Surrender
by VLRWriter
Summary: Set in Season Four, Fitz is mourning the end of his relationship with Olivia, divorcing Mellie, and trying to start fresh. He doesn't give her much choice in the matter, but will Olivia accept it?
1. Chapter 1

Set in season four, this story is what I'd need to see happen for Olitz to believe in them again. They have to stop hurting each other and the other people in their lives. They need to hit the reset button and decide if they can still have a life together. I don't know if they can, but I damn sure want to believe. Come on the journey with me, if you want! I promise angst, but I also promise love.

Chapter One

"Okay," he sighed, resting his face in his open palms briefly. "Okay. It's time to stop now." He spoke the words out to the empty space. Looking out into the warm glow of the dimly lit room he thought he should feel comfortable. If he were honest, he did feel a little bit comfortable. The office of the Presidency suited him. It was where he belonged. He wore the crown and he wore it well. It was a lot to give up for love, but he had always been willing. He was still willing. But it was hard to relinquish the crown when he couldn't be sure that love would be waiting for him at home.

The Oval had held such promise, such power. The moments he'd shared with her in that space, with Olivia—nothing would ever mean so much—nothing would ever feel so good. But they were done now, she'd seen to that. She'd told him in every way that she was done. It was he that was holding on. Fitzgerald Thomas Grant the third. He was the one who couldn't let go, who wouldn't let go. And Olivia Pope held on because she was loyal—because she didn't want to hurt him, because he was still her friend. That's what he told himself. It couldn't still be love for her. She wouldn't do what she did if she still felt love for him.

Getting to his feet, Fitz moved from behind the desk and walked to the center of the room. He stared down at the carpet, seeing its complicated and colorful weaved pattern up close made him dizzy. From afar the picture was clear, but from where he stood now it was mottled, uneven, torn in tiny places from where he and previous Commanders in Chief had paced to solve the crises of the world. The carpet reminded him of his relationship with Olivia—complicated, colorful, torn in places, and seemingly unending. But everything had an ending, and this was theirs. It had to end now.

He thought it would hurt more, coming to this resolution, but as he turned back to face the Resolute Desk, his eyes flitted over the photos placed upon it. Old habits die hard and Olivia still had her Secret Service detail. They still reported her movements. He still received photos periodically of the life of a woman who kept herself hidden from him. He should have learned better from his mistakes. The last time he had her followed she fell in love with the man he sent to report on her whereabouts. But deep down, he was glad. He needed to see it—he needed to know. He needed to know that she was done, that she had moved on from him and from their relationship. She held on now out of loyalty or habit, he couldn't be sure. But her actions told him what her words couldn't. She felt passion, attraction, desire for someone other than him. She could be happy for the rest of her life with someone other than him. The revelation had been staggering. But now he had sat with the knowledge. He had had enough. Fitz was ready now to say goodbye to Olivia Pope.

When the new Secret Service agent had knocked on the door to signal her arrival Fitz thought his heart would break, sink, or fall apart. But none of that happened. His heart lightened, his mood lightened. He was about to set her free, and if he could do this for her, if he could make her happy in some way, then he had succeeded.

Olivia didn't look happy when she flounced in. She looked furious. He took in her appearance and deduced that she had been nearly ready for bed, her hair pulled back into a sleek bun with her bangs swept to the side and held in place with a thin bobby pin. Her signature stilettos missing, she wore basic black flats and a scowl on her face. He didn't ever want to be the cause of that again.

"I'm sorry to disrupt your evening," he began. She huffed and didn't look like she believed him.

"What can I do for you, Mr. President?"

He knew she must be upset if she was calling him by his official title. He offered her a warm smile and it worked instantly to disarm her. She had probably been defensive. He guessed that she was ready for a battle due to her stance. But now his expression told her, Fitz hoped, that he wasn't angry. He motioned for her to have a seat and then walked a safe distance from her, back behind the desk. He put away the pictures without mentioning them to her. He didn't need to rehash how he had seen her show up at Jake Ballard's hotel room wearing a trench coat with nothing underneath. What he imagined was far worse than anything that the agents had shown him. It had been a cold shot of reality that had finalized his decision.

She cleared her throat and sat down, which brought his attention back to her. "I'm sorry, Olivia." He let the words hang in the air. He had meant to say he was sorry for losing himself in his thoughts just now, but he was sorry for so much more than that. Looking at her face now he saw confusion, fear, and worry mark her beautiful features; he was sorry for that, too. "I called you here because I need to tell you something. I thought it best to do it in private and to prepare you." In the same drawer that he had placed the surveillance photos he took out a different manila envelope. He stood and crossed the room to her long enough to hand her the envelope. Wordlessly she took it and opened it, her eyes scanning the pages briefly before looking up at him in shock and anger.

"What the hell is this?"

"Divorce papers."

"They've already been signed."

"They have."

"By you and Mellie." Her voice was growing louder. She got to her feet.

"Yes."

"Fitz, they've already been filed."

"Official at midnight. The President and First Lady are no longer married."

"Why?" The question seemed ridiculous. Of course she had to know why. He wanted to answer her anyway. Anything for her.

"I need to start over," he said, his own words surprising him. "I need to stop pretending with Mellie, and I need to stop hurting you. I need to be an honest President. I need that to be my legacy."

"I can still stop this," she said, as she went into Fixer mode. "I know I have a favor or two left in the County Clerk's office, as long as we can round up all the copies before the filing we can get ahead of this—we'll say the papers were from before when Mellie gave her big speech about your fidelity on National television."

"Olivia," he said so softly she stopped and turned to him with a slight gasp. "You don't have to do anything. I don't need or want you to fix this. Mellie's on board with this. She's going to move back to the Ranch for a while then she'll sell it and keep the profits. I will support any bid she makes for office, and I'll publicly support her relationship with Andrew after a suitable mourning period. I've already called Karen and Mellie's attorney has drawn up a custody arrangement with Teddy that we can both live with. We've worked it all out. I just called you here to tell you so you wouldn't find out on the morning news. I wanted you to have a moment to ask me questions if you needed to. I wanted you to have your say."

"Well then I say you can't get divorced."

"Why not? Because it'll ruin my image? Because for the rest of my life I'll be the first President to get divorced while still in office?"

"They'll never talk about anything good you did," she said, shaking her head. "You'll be ruined."

He shrugged his shoulders casually as if to say what they both knew. He already was.

"Why did you really bring me here?" she asked as she watched his face.

"I came to say goodbye. For real this time."

She scoffed. "How many 'goodbyes' does that make?"

He laughed softly. "I don't know. There's more," he said as he folded his arms.

"What?" she asked warily.

"I'm selling the house."

She stared at him for several moments, her expression unreadable. She held her breath until she had to take in air with a loud gasp. He remained silent, it was clear to him that she was just coming to accept what had been just as hard for him to come to terms with. It was over. She swallowed and then opened her mouth to speak, closing it and opening it again several times as she searched for something to say. All she could come up with was, "Why?"

"You're in love with another man. You're in love with Jake Ballard." She rolled her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks. She turned away from him but Fitz stood from where he had been leaning on the desk and went to her. She whirled on him when he got close.

"You're punishing me," she snarled.

"No, Olivia," he said as he took a step back. "I'm trying to stop punishing you. I'm trying to stop punishing myself. I have had no right to put your life on hold like this. I've had no right to try to stop you from finding love in your life. Love with someone who was unattached to a family, someone younger, and someone who wasn't bound to so many other things."

She looked down at the same place in the carpet that he had viewed moments earlier. "I-"

"You don't have to deny it, Olivia. I know what loving me has cost you."

She looked up into his eyes searching then and he knew she was wondering if he really did know her cost.

"You left me for him. You love him, you live with him, you make love with him, and he's the one you want." He said the words as much for her own ears as for his. "You know what that time you spent with him on that island taught me? I'm simply not the right man for you. I didn't necessarily want to know about it, but I don't need a building to fall on me. That's not an accusation," he added quickly. "That's a simple fact. You followed your heart and it led you away from me."

Again he let the words hang in the air before going on. "So the announcement will be made tomorrow." He looked at his watch. It was almost midnight. "I've hired a new Press Secretary. Apologize to Gab, er, Abby, for me. She did a wonderful job but I need to make a clean break of things."

"So you mean everyone with a close association to me has to leave the White House, too?" Her voice was even, calm, and detached.

"Yes," he answered plainly. "This isn't easy for me, Olivia. I think we both need to put a period on this and move on."

"And Cyrus?"

"You know him; he's the exception to every rule. But this White House no longer has Olivia Pope on retainer. There's no contract, and we won't call you. I know you think you're the best Fixer in the world, and so do I, but there are other competent people who can get me through the rest of this term. I won't bother you again."

"You've been planning this for a long time," Olivia said. "How long? When did you know you were going to do this?"

He wanted to answer her truthfully but what good could it do now to tell her that seeing her about to make love with Jake Ballard even after she suspected he might have been the one to kill his son knocked him for a loop he could not withstand. She must have read it in his expression because she nodded knowingly and grabbed her purse.

"Olivia, please wait, don't go away like this."

"How do you expect me to react—you aren't giving me a choice in any of this!"

"Let's not pretend you'd decide anything different."

"I would!"

"You would?" he said doubtfully. "You'd have me stay married to a woman I don't love, keep a house I can't live in with you, and protect a legacy for three more years while you screw around with Jake?" He closed his eyes to calm himself because he didn't want their last conversation to end like this. "Olivia, I want you to be happy. I'm not happy that it's with Jake, but that's not up to me. That's up to you. And it seems to me that you made that decision a long time ago, too. I'm just coming around now to accepting it. I want you to have a beautiful life. I want you to have love." He paused before going on, his emotions overwhelming him. "I want you to have children. You should have everything you want and you should do it freely and privately. Consider it the last gift you can give me," he said, his voice booming now as he walked away from her, signaling that the conversation was over.

An agent appeared at the door and Olivia was silenced by his presence.

"Olivia, would you do me a favor?" She looked at him incredulously. He waited until her face softened and then made his request. "Don't miss me."

A/N: Well! I don't know where that came from. I just felt the need to write it because I'm really mourning Olitz and trying to get through the stages of grief about how they are being handled on the show. I needed to work through my emotions and I've wanted to share a fanfic with you guys as I've been reading many wonderful stories for more than a year. I will understand if this angst is too much for some readers, and I can't promise you how it will all end, but I'm a full circle writer, and I am an Olitz Fan until the end. Plus I can promise with this story you won't have to ever worry about reading an Olake love scene. Bonus! If you decide to stick with me and follow, I look forward to your feedback.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much for all the reviews and follows. This is the first Olitz Fic I've ever posted—and it was so affirming to hear from all of you that you not only enjoyed the story, but that the emotion I felt was passed on in the pages. I'll take it. Enjoy, here's part two, written in Olivia's point of view.

Chapter Two

The door of the Oval Office shut with a thump behind her and Olivia knew that it would be a long time before she ever stood there with him again. Maybe it would never happen again. Suddenly she was overcome with a feeling of sickness and abruptly changed paths. Vaguely aware of agents on her heels, but careful to keep their hands off her, they guided her gently to the nearest bathroom and stopped at the door as she barreled in and shut the stall behind her. She bent down and emptied the contents of her stomach into the bowl.

The floor felt like ice to her heated skin and provided cool comfort as she leaned back and rested her head against the wall. She slammed the lid down and flushed the toilet before getting up and sitting on the seat. She snatched a piece of toilet paper and wiped her mouth, the scent of lilies strong in the air. White noise roared in her ears. Her relationship with Fitz had been irrevocably changed. Excitement still thrummed through her body at having been near him. It was a physical reaction she was powerless to stop and frankly, she didn't want to. Despite the sheer impossible situation, she was never sorry for loving him, for wanting him. But now, she sat shell shocked by the news that he seemingly didn't want her anymore.

Nothing in her mind would allow her to believe it was true, but she fell into Fixer mode immediately when she felt her emotions begin to threaten her. It was embarrassing enough that she had just gotten sick in front of agents who knew of her bold and brazen love affair with the President. She was sure that this visit would keep the rumor mill going. Did she still have their respect? She wondered. Did they feel sorry for her? Did they care one whit about her once she was beyond the bounds of the White House? Were they just doing their jobs? Olivia Pope would have rarely admitted that she cared what other people thought, but she cared a great deal. Her reputation was all she had. Or so she thought.

After taking a moment to check her reflection, Olivia stood up and marched out of the bathroom and took the long trek back to her car at a savvy march. She didn't meet anyone else's gaze, didn't answer any questions or acknowledge any greetings from White House staffers. She slammed the door shut on her car and took out her cell phone while agents flanked the outside. Once the Bluetooth connected she reversed the SUV from its parking space and sped out.

"This is Abby Whelan."

"Abby, it's Olivia. I need you to get me a hotel suite. Downtown optional, but not at anything near GW or the State Department, got it?"

"Olivia, are you all right?"

"Can you do it, Abby?"

There was a pause where Olivia could actually hear the wheels turning in her friend's mind. They had recently made up but things were still tense. Would she forgive her and help her again?

"I can do it."

"Thank you, text me with the room number and then meet me there." She disconnected the call and kept driving, mindlessly dialing the next person she needed, Huck. She heard the line connect again and started talking. "Huck, it's Olivia. I needed to tell you, I—I'm going to be unavailable for a couple of days." She heard his breathing increase. "But I wanted to tell you I'm staying in town. I'll be here, I'm not disappearing, I promise. Do you hear me? HUCK?"

"I hear you."

"Okay," Olivia sighed, "one more thing. Have Quinn deliver my laptop and a couple of changes of clothes to the hotel suite Abby's booking now. And get Jake the hell out of my apartment." She paused as she negotiated careful one-way turns through the city. "Huck, don't hurt him," she added, "Just tell Quinn to make an excuse and get him to leave. I just can't have him there right now, okay?"

"I'm on it."

She parked and stared out into the dark DC night and the dam of tears she had been holding back suddenly burst forth. She gasped and cried her head in her hands, letting the emotions overtake her for just a few moments. When she had nothing left, silence filled the car as she immediately switched on NPR unable to withstand it. She waited for Abby to send her the information she needed. She took the opportunity to send Jake a text message and pushed all thoughts of her conversation with Fitz out of her mind purposefully.

'I'm fine, with a client.' She hit send.

'I'll be unavailable for a bit, but I'll keep in touch. Quinn is coming over and the client may need my space, so.' The gentle whirring to signal that both messages had been sent.

'Are you all right?'

'Fine, promise. Be back soon.' She read that he would be in his suite and that she was welcome to stay with him there. Ignoring the reply she quickly texted Abby to make sure she didn't book Olivia at the Omni, since Jake was already there, and then dropped the phone into her purse unable to focus and interact with him for one second longer. She was starting to lose it. She needed to get somewhere private and she needed it now. She contemplated driving out of the city but she needed to be there in the morning. She couldn't be at her own apartment though, the paparazzi would be camped out within minutes and she didn't think she had the strength to deal with it. She needed to be available in case Fitz—she was jarred from her thoughts by three rapid fire text messages sent by Abby with the suite information. She sniffled and sped off in the direction of the hotel.

Abby opened the door without a word and ushered Olivia inside. Cyrus had called Abby, and for that Olivia was grateful, but she noted in the back of her mind that he hadn't called her. At least she didn't have to update Abby on what was about to transpire. She crossed the living area and closed the bedroom door behind her with a word to Abby to wait on Quinn's arrival and an update from Huck. When the door clicked home, she fell to the ground, her butt hitting the plush carpet with a quiet thud. It was cold, the air conditioning just shy of being loud enough to drown out her thoughts. She crawled to the bed and pulled the covers back, climbing inside only taking the time to kick off her shoes.

Her mind went immediately to the anonymous hotel suites she'd shared with Fitz. How the cool sheets had always made her gasp when they came in contact with her heated flesh. The way that Fitz liked to stretch out above her and the way she reveled in that feeling. Then her heart began to race with the impossible notion that he would never do that again. He was getting divorced from Mellie, but why did Olivia feel as though he were divorcing her, too? Because he was, she knew it. He had never been alone in her presence where he didn't try to send her the message that he loved her, wanted her, and needed her. And now she lay with the knowledge that he had no intention of ever being alone with her ever again.

The thought could not take hold. The finality of his words were just plain wrong. Stupidly she looked at her phone to see if he had called like so many other times before when he knew she was upset. He hated to see her hurt. He hated for her not to have her way if there was something he could do about it, didn't he? She sat up in bed and drew her knees up to her chest. She leaned back against the headboard and felt so small alone in this bed.

Silent tears fell down her cheeks as questions slammed through her mind. How could he do it? Why did he do it? Why now, why today when everything was fine? Mellie was fine, Karen was fine, and the American People were fine. Then she knew. Fitz wasn't fine. They weren't together; she was with Jake, waiting for what…? She didn't know. She had pushed him too far, she had a sinking feeling. It was too much to ask him to watch her carry on a relationship with Jake in public after what had gone on. Jerry's death, Jake's interrogation and subsequent release, the punishment of the Secret Service Agent who was physically responsible, and the inability to now prove that it was her father who had orchestrated it all. No justice for Jerry, no love left from anyone for Fitz, except from his constituency. She knew now what he was trying to do. He was trying to be a good President. She didn't want to get in the way of that, but if it meant that he was out of her life forever in every way, how could she agree?

Her mind turned to getting him to change his mind. Not about the divorce, but about her. She didn't know what to do about Jake, and she couldn't yet decide. But Fitz out of her life forever wasn't an option. So she had to come up with a way to make him see that. She could work this for him, she could fix this behind the scenes, and she could make this divorce fall out as short as possible. Then, when he was over it, when Mellie was gone, then she would show up in the Oval and he would be thankful. He would be glad to see her, she just knew it.

Ignoring the niggling thought in the back of her mind that somehow her plan might be pointless given Fitz's new position, she heard Abby and Quinn's voices so she got out of bed to face them. Though she felt cloudy standing there talking to them, she knew she didn't have to put on pretense. She just needed to tell them what she wanted. And then they had to go away.

"The President is getting a divorce," Olivia began. Abby's face remained stoic and calm while Quinn's jaw dropped. She began to sputter questions and Olivia put up a hand. "Quinn, it doesn't mean anything for me. The President is not getting a divorce for me. I'm with Jake." The words tasted terrible coming out of her mouth and Quinn fell silent. "We are not working this for him," Olivia lied on. "We're doing this for me, I'm the client. I can't be in my apartment because the press will try to spin this in a million different directions trying to figure out why." She looked to Abby, who recognized her cue.

"I'll keep you informed of his interview schedule, any statements he might make; I'll try to send over to you as quickly as I can. I don't know what he's doing or how much longer I'll have my job-"

"Not long," Olivia interrupted. "Just do what you can and then get me every bit of information you can on your successor." She saw a shadow fall across Abby's face but felt a sense of pride when her friend nodded. She was a gladiator first—she was back in the fold. "Make the new Press Secretary think the message was their idea. This divorce is putting his family first. He and Mellie will jointly parent, the death of their son made them see that life was too short to be unhappy." Olivia paused, her own words smacking her in the face.

"I'll suggest one solo television interview after we release the First Lady's statement." Abby looked to Quinn, who jumped into action after watching Olivia's face with open sympathy.

"I uh, brought you everything I could think of, sorry, hope it matches. I got you a burner phone, and here's your laptop. Huck is working on upping the security and data integrity at OPA, moving everything to new servers, and he'll get you passwords within the hour. I brought you a few bottles of cabernet too," she motioned to the medium sized cooler bag by the door.

"That's all for now," Olivia said, her breathing increasing as she fought to stave off the panic. The sun was coming up through the drawn curtains. Maybe the news had happened too late for the morning papers but the news shows would definitely be covering this. She didn't want to watch, but she most certainly would.

She tried to sleep but only managed to doze a little. In a couple of hours the morning media would be frenzied and she needed to feel useful. She turned off her phone because she knew Jake would call as soon as he heard. He would know why she was gone. It wouldn't take him long to find her, but she trusted in his good sense of self-preservation to stay away until she was ready.

Olivia sat on the bench in front of the bed and turned on the television. She muted the weather and waited for the newscasters to begin. Her mind drifted back, inexplicably, to Fitz and the last time he had touched her. She remembered her body surging in pleasure so immediate and overwhelming that she had wanted to let it take her over. Why had she stopped it? Because he wouldn't have done it if he'd known the truth and she stupidly picked that same moment to test her theory. She didn't want the reestablished connection between them to be based on a lie. And she couldn't have him with the truth.

When no new Press Secretary, but Fitzgerald Grant III himself stood at the podium she scrambled for the remote and turned up the volume.

"As most of you know, this morning my divorce from the First Lady became final. On behalf of our entire family, we want to ensure that the public knows we did not enter into this decision lightly. We remain faithful to our roles of service to the American People, and will continue in those roles for the rest of our lives. This dissolution of our marriage is not based on any wrongdoing, but out of a mutual desire to parent our remaining children," Fitz's voice caught and he paused. Olivia felt her heart break a little further. "Excuse me," he said, before going on, "to parent our children from a place of respect and thoughtfulness. Though our marriage is over, we remain friends, united in our goals for the success of our children as well as this great Republic. We are no different than millions of other Americans who have decided to make a change in our family dynamic. We continue to be devoted colleagues, parents, and public servants. That's all for now," Fitz said as cameras began to flash and the voices of reporters began to fill the room.

A/N: I needed to get through that, guys. I hope you're still sticking with me, not every chapter will be angst-ridden, but they have a lot of work to do, don't they? Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me. In my head, Fitz is always doing his best. And he's at his best when he's thoughtful and does what he knows is right, instead of letting other people decide for him, including Olivia. In my opinion that's where he always makes mistakes. When he's resolute and decided on anything, it always works out right. Anyways, I hope you'll keep reviewing and sharing and letting me know how this season is affecting you. Happy reading!


	3. Chapter 3

So this chapter was already in the works, but I just had to post it tonight after the episode that just aired. I have no words about the Olivia Pope we're seeing on screen now. So I think I'll let the following words of my own speak for me. Thanks again for all the favorites, follows, and reviews. It means the world to me when you tell me what you think, even if you disagree with me! Writing this is helping me work through the very complicated feelings I have about Olitz, and I'm glad I get the opportunity to share them with you. If you want some mood music for this chapter, I'm listening to "Lovesong" by Adele and the Candice Glover cover while I write. Happy Reading!

Chapter 3

It took about two and a half days before Olivia noticed she was hungry and suddenly attacked the refrigerator in the suite. She made herself a sandwich and ate some fruit, then drank half a bottle of wine and got back into bed. Her phone had been turned off, she couldn't stand it. Jake was calling. He kept calling. And Fitz kept on NOT calling. Finally, she just shut it off. Olivia glanced at the clock and realized the phone had been off for more than a day. Maybe Fitz had called. Maybe Abby hadn't had a chance to give him the number to the burner phone? Maybe she could rationalize anything when she was desperate.

As soon as the phone powered on it began to ring. Seeing Jake's number flash on the screen, she huffed in frustration and guilt, and answered.

"Hello, Jake."

"Hi."

She didn't respond, the phrase perhaps inconsequential to him, but she couldn't acknowledge it.

"Olivia, I heard. Why aren't you at the White House? Are you handling this? Is this the case you had to suddenly disappear for?"

"I'm not. This is not—no."

"Well then where are you?"

"I'm in a hotel. And I really can't talk."

"Great, I'll let you go. But before I do that, why don't you give me your hotel room number and I can come over later when things calm down?"

"I don't think that would be such a good idea," she sighed. She didn't want to have this conversation right now. "I just—I'm—I need a little time."

"Did you know he was going to do this?" Jake asked.

"No."

"And you haven't seen him?"

Olivia didn't answer.

"Olivia, we both know it won't take long for me to find out where you're staying. We need to talk about this."

"We don't need to talk about anything. He's getting a divorce, it doesn't change anything for you and me."

"Oh really? Is that why you're holed up in some hotel suite on the other side of town? Because it doesn't change anything?"

"My client-"

"We both know there's no client, Olivia. Let me come to you. Let me make this better."

She closed her eyes to the temptation, because if she were being honest, it would be easy to give in and let him take her mind off things. That was all he had ever done was be a distraction.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, I have you." She tried to make her voice sound lighthearted. "I'll call you later this evening."

"You promise?"

"Promise." She ended the call and continued searching through the missed calls for the distinctive numbers from the White House. Finding none, she immediately silenced the phone and began pacing the room. She had Jake. Her father had command. What did Fitz have? His son was dead. Whew, a wave of nausea came over her every time she thought of it. The finality of the death of a child, the end of their potential, the end of their dreams and joy, the end of their life; but at least he had the White House? She hated herself even more for the thought.

Pressed by the desire to do something for him, to take care of him in some way, she turned on the television and powered up her laptop. She scoured the news and though she found numerous reports about the incredulity of the media at the announcement of the Grant divorce, the tide was already turning. The President had freed millions of Americans from the judgment of divorce. His own party splintering as those with core believes about marriage and family values shunned and sought to separate from their President. Others heralded his bravery and the strength of the First Lady, who had finally released a written statement, still unable to speak publicly.

Olivia listened in abject shock as Mellie's statement was read by one of the anchors. It mirrored Fitz's statement almost exactly, but spoke more about the children, the legacy she and Fitz sought to protect, the privacy they asked for, and their recommitted efforts to the offices they held. It sounded so generic and so unlike the rage she knew Mellie must be experiencing. What on earth had Fitz had to say or do to get her to agree to such a thing? Olivia couldn't imagine if she were Fitz's wife, no matter how bad things ever got between them, that there was anything he could say or do to make her let him go. Once again, her thoughts convicted her. She had done plenty to signal that she wanted to let him go. And he had finally, finally heard her.

She got up again and paced. Who was working on this for him? Who was handling this for the White House? She considered calling Cyrus but she didn't want to contribute to another heart attack. She didn't want to imagine what he was going through right now, watching everything he had worked for and manipulated for and sacrificed for blowing up in his face. Just then, her phone began vibrating in her hand. She looked down at the screen to see it was Abby.

"I guess I'm not fired yet," Abby said as soon as the line connected. "He's vetting people, but he hasn't found anyone he likes yet. Cyrus says I still have a chance if I play my cards right."

"You've got to stay there Abby, as long as you can, I need someone in the White House."

"I understand."

"Ok, what have you heard? Is Fitz—is the President, okay?"

"He's working, he's conducting meetings with Heads of State, he's trying to carry on business as usual, but he's struggling, Liv. People don't understand, no sitting President, no FORMER President has ever done this. It's all anyone wants to talk about. He's going to have to talk about it."

"He doesn't want to talk about it."

"No, he doesn't, but he's going to have to. So, I arranged for a sit-down with Kimberly Williams."

"When?"

"He goes live in ten minutes."

"Abby, you put him on the six o'clock news?!"

"He's going to do one interview, he's going to answer all the questions, and then there'll be no more said about it from the White House or the President."

"He agreed to this?"

"Yes. He wants it done. He wants it over, Liv."

"How could you not give me more time? I need to get down there; I need to be there for this."

"No you don't, Liv. In fact, he asked me not to tell you at all. If he finds out that I even gave you this warning-"

"Thank you, Abby," Olivia said and abruptly hung up. She was too angry with her friend to keep talking. She finished the bottle of wine, fluffed the pillows on the hotel bed, and grabbed her remote.

From where Fitz sat on the couch, he hoped to God that his practiced politician poses were saving him now. He was having an absolute out of body experience. He had promised Mellie he would go over anything he might say first, and there hadn't been time when he'd agreed to do this. He'd known there would be questions, interview requests, but he'd been stalwart in his resolve not to give any for a much longer period of time. But when he was supposed to be having a meeting about nuclear arms dealings and China and the representative asked him about his divorce, Fitz knew that not only would the American people not wait for more of an explanation, the whole world wanted to hear more from him.

Kimberly Williams came in and sat down a few feet away from him while make-up artists and stylists spent a few moments making her camera ready. Then they turned their attention to him for a little bit of powder which he tolerated for mere seconds before he cleared his throat and stated simply, "That's enough, thank you."

"Mr. President, I can't thank you enough for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to me. Is there any chance we can get the First Lady to-"

"No."

"I understand. We'll be going on the air live in a matter of seconds. Abby said we have permission to touch on the divorce-"

"Of course." What the hell did she think he was sitting here for?

Satisfied, Kimberly sat back in her chair and read over her notes again, before turning on the charm and facing the camera when the countdown began.

"Thank you for joining us, I'm Kimberly Williams, and this is Your Evening News, at Six O'clock. By now you've heard the news that sent shockwaves around the globe. The first sitting President in the history of this great nation is doing what millions of Americans before him have done. He's getting a divorce."

Fitz almost laughed out loud at the way her news-anchor voice said the words "_DIVORCE"_. He tuned out the rest of her introduction but his ears perked up when she turned her pose slightly in his direction and he noticed the light above the camera pointed at him turn on and begin to flash.

"Mr. President, I'm going to begin with the question on everyone's minds. WHY are you getting a divorce and why are you doing it now while you're still in office?"

"I have my son to thank."

"You mean little Teddy? America's Baby?"

"No, my first son, Jerry. Losing him made me realize that life is too short to be unhappy."

Fitz noted Kimberly's look of absolute glee while the camera was not poised on her.

"Were you and the First Lady unhappy?"

"Not with our children, but in our marriage, yes, it's no secret that we struggled. We were very happy for a long time. We were partners in every sense of the word. But through no fault of anyone concerned, we grew apart. We faced a decision that many face—do we stay together for the greater good, or do we remain true to ourselves and our now divergent desires by freeing ourselves and giving ourselves the opportunity to be better, happier, more productive people? We decided on the latter. And the First Lady and I both want the same thing for the American People—to find their happiness."

"So you think every unhappy married American should go out and get a divorce?" Kimberly asked. "Many would consider that an incredibly unpopular and irresponsible opinion, sir."

"Yes, I suppose they would. I don't think divorce is the answer for every couple. But it was the answer for us. Mellie and I really worked on it for a long time. Years, in fact. We made this decision after we did everything else we could to solve it. We did it for the good of our family. Our children are well adjusted and this was not unexpected for them. We'll continue to co-parent, and I think everyone in our household is happier. She will always be a good friend and confidant," he lied, using the phrasing she had specifically asked for. "But," he added, "Our hearts lie elsewhere."

Kimberly's ears perked up. "Do you mean you and the First Lady are seeing other people?"

Fitz actually took an opportunity to laugh and release some of the tension in the room. "No, I don't mean that at all. I'm sure one day that will happen for the First Lady and he would be a very lucky man. I mean all the desires of our hearts are just on paths leading away from each other now. And that's okay. But there's no one waiting in the wings for me, despite what some of your colleagues might allege."

"Is the President ready to start dating?" Kimberly asked.

"No, Kimberly, I think I have enough on my plate just being Commander in Chief. I hope one day to find love, just like anyone, but I have the love of my family, my children, and I hope, of the American People. That's good enough for me."

When the interview was over Olivia sat shell-shocked on the bed. What the hell was happening? How could Abby have let him go on national television and say all that? Where the hell was Mellie?

The questions which led to blaming others were cold comfort for Olivia as she leaned back and looked up at the ornate ceiling of her hotel room.

She whispered out loud to the empty room, "What the hell have I done?"

A/N: Thanks to everyone who is still reading. In the next several chapters there is a LOT of Olivia and Fitz and they're going to say to each other some things that may be hard to read, so I'm just warning you now. Shiz is gonna get real. Words are gonna be said. Thank you, and goodnight!


	4. Chapter 4

So every time I see some BS about the current season of Scandal it makes me want to rewrite history. I had planned to put some of the conversations in this chapter off for a bit, but hey, why not? Let's just jump right in to the truth-telling, shall we? It's a rude awakening for Olivia, but she needs it, doesn't she? Also, warning, there is a Jake scene in this chapter. It's not a love scene, but he's here and he's got some stuff to say. Thanks again to everyone for reviewing—please do keep letting me know how you feel! Also this one's a bit longer because I heard that request from one of you for longer chapters, and because I just had so much to say!

Chapter 4

From her hotel room Olivia Pope was useless. She'd showered and dressed and re-watched Fitz's interview several times. She had devoured the dozens of articles written about the first Presidential divorce, and though she was mentioned once or twice in some of the lengthier gossip blogs and one print story, there were really no mentions of the Fixer—at least in comparison to the names of Amanda Tanner and Jeanine Locke.

Olivia replayed Fitz's statements over and over in her mind. What did he mean, there was no one waiting in the wings? She had always been in the wings! She was on the sidelines waiting for this day and now it had finally happened and he wasn't expecting her to be there? It made her angry and so incredibly sad to realize that he wasn't waiting for her. She closed her eyes in frustration and stood still. Where the hell were Abby and the others? She had to get out of this room but before she did, she needed to talk to them. She needed to make a plan.

Another day had gone past and she still hadn't heard from Fitz. She was beginning to realize that she wasn't going to—not for a while. So she would have to go to him. Her mind turned to how she could get into the White House. Just then, Abby knocked on the door briskly before using her key to let herself and Quinn inside.

"Abby," Olivia began, "I need the President's schedule."

"He's not going to let you into the Oval, Liv," Abby persisted. She handed Olivia an envelope with said schedule included. Olivia perused it immediately.

"I know he won't," Olivia said. "But he has a window here, this evening, you set this up?" She looked to Abby.

"Yes, I convinced him that it would do his image good to be seen out and about enjoying a few hours before he heads to the Summit in Denver for the gun conference."

"You're sending him to Ronnie's?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, he mentioned it used to be a favorite of his when he was in the Navy."

"Yeah, Jake loves that place," Olivia said more to herself than anyone else in the room.

"They have a great two for one special there," Quinn supplied helpfully. Both Olivia and Abby looked at her quizzically before she amended her statement. "I mean, uh, what do you have for me? For Huck?"

Olivia let the comment pass. "I need to get in to see my father."

"Command? Why don't you just go to his house?" Quinn tried to keep her opinion out of her tone. "That's what you two do, right? You have dinner?"

"I don't want to see him at home," Olivia replied as she gathered her things. "I want to see him in his element, and I don't want him to know I'm coming. Just tell Huck to find me a window."

"What are you going to do now?" Abby asked.

"I'm going home."

Once in her apartment Olivia tried Fitz's burner phone once more. It rang instead of going straight to voicemail. That gave her some small hope that he kept it on, that it was charged, and not dead. Thank goodness for small mercies, she thought to herself. She spent the afternoon thinking of what she would say when she met up with him at Ronnie's, "by accident." She would pretend to be there casually, as surprised by his arrival as anyone else. He wouldn't be able to deny her in public. She could ask him for a word in one of the private rooms in the back—she just needed a minute, she was sure she could convince him to hear her out. It was too late to stop him from filing for divorce, that deed was done, but he needed more than these public outings and brief television interviews to repair his image. He needed strategy and policy change, and he needed to make specific speeches and appearances and push certain legislation while his Party still had the House.

Olivia's mind buzzed with excitement and anticipation at how things would be once she was alone with Fitz and Cyrus. How they would be a team again, brain storm and without the influence of Mellie, Hollis, or Verna; it would be the three of them again, the best minds in the room, all working towards the greatest goals for the American people. She picked out something casual instead of a business suit. She settled for a dark blouse and white sport jacket with dark jeans. She'd keep the heels. Her hair would remain down, the natural wave of her locks starting to come through. Fitz had always liked her hair that way.

She had almost finished and was about to touch up her make up when she heard a knock at her door. At first completely bewildered by who it could be, her heart sank when she realized it was probably Jake. Unable to put him off any longer, she was surprised he'd shown the restraint that he had by not coming to her hotel suite. Knowing that she had Abby, Huck, and Quinn coming in and out of there at all hours probably deterred him slightly, and her responses to his text messages had been enough to satisfy him for the moment. Now she knew he wouldn't back off until he saw her.

Part of Olivia was glad that he still cared enough to check on her at all. But she didn't want to have this conversation right now. What would be the point? There wasn't anything different she could tell him. She knew she needed to end it, to say goodbye, to put a period on things, and she wanted to be brave enough to do it. She didn't know what was stopping her anymore, and that scared her more than anything else. She had never thought herself a coward, but telling Jake it was over would mean that he wouldn't be there anymore, just in case she needed him. How selfish could she get, keeping Jake on ice while she worked things out with Fitz? Though he'd told her verbally that he wouldn't play second fiddle in her heart, everything that he'd done had suggested that he was entirely happy to do so. And she was letting him.

She took a deep breath and opened the door, waving him inside while she stepped into her shoes and walked back to the vanity in her bathroom. He followed her in, comfortable and familiar in her space, leaning against the door while she primped.

"You look good," he said, admiring her figure in the mirror.

"Thank you."

"Want to have dinner?"

"I have a meeting," she replied.

He arched an eyebrow in doubt. When had she ever gone to a meeting dressed so casually? She winced internally at the lie and hoped he wouldn't press her on it.

"A meeting? With this elusive client?"

"I'm sorry about that," she said referring to her earlier excuse to get him out of her apartment. "I just needed some time alone to work a few things out."

"You mean to react privately to the news that the President is finally getting divorced?"

"What do you want, Jake?" she asked in exasperation.

"You," his tone matched hers in annoyance and fatigue. "When I was being held I told you that I knew you wouldn't choose me. You didn't deny it then, but after that I was released. I've been working to prove my innocence, and you've been with me. We've been together. Liv, I thought you made a choice."

She'd finished with her make up but she didn't want to turn around and face him. "Jake, I don't have anything to say that you'd want to hear right now," Olivia chose her words carefully. "I'm sorry I disappeared for a week, but I'm back now and I don't know where anything stands. I don't mean to hurt you, but I just—I have to go."

"Oh, I see. This has something to do with him," Jake motioned at her body and the way she was dressed. "He'll like that." His lecherous glance was never attractive to her.

"Ugh," she said with a wave of her hand. "Don't do that."

"What?" He followed her out of the bedroom. "Remind you that I'm the man who pleases you most? That I'm the one who makes you scream-"

"My GOD do you think you're the only person I've ever enjoyed sex with?" She whirled on her heels and advanced on him. "The sex is good, Jake. Is that what you want to hear? It was fun, it was great, and I want you all the time. There, do you feel better?" Her words dripped with venom.

He stood his ground. "The way it is with us is not in my imagination, Liv."

She rolled her eyes. "You know what, Jake, you have a really big EGO, is what you have." She recalled a comment she'd made to him on the island about his endowment and now he wouldn't let her forget it.

"So what are you saying?" he asked.

God, she wanted this conversation over. She had let it go on too long. She saw that now. "I'm saying don't believe everything a woman tells you in bed, Jake."

"Olivia, you told me that I was-"

"Not every woman likes that thrown back in their face. Just drop it. There is no point in comparing yourself with Fitz—in any way." She walked away from him then and opened the front door. She stood there patiently while he walked towards the opening but didn't walk through it.

"Oh that's right, I'm not the President."

"If you think that's why I was with him, you don't know me at all."

"I don't like being dismissed, Olivia. This person that you are right now is someone I don't recognize. Someone who is desperate, who is falling all over herself to get back to a man who is telling her that he doesn't want her."

Olivia stood looking at Jake, hoping he would realize the weight of his own words. She was doing the same thing to him, telling him in a million different ways that this had to end. She wasn't brave enough to say it, though. "I'm late," she said, ushering him out.

Olivia knew she couldn't order a glass of wine at Ronnie's so she had to settle for a light apple pear cider. It reminded her enough of white wine that she could distract herself. She glanced at her watch and waited. She could hear as the sirens wailed through the streets, while the police gave an escort to the President's motorcade. The sirens got louder, and then abruptly stopped as the motorcade turned left one block shy of the restaurant. Confused, Olivia texted Abby, 'Was there a change of plans?'

'I'm looking into it,' was the immediate reply. Olivia let out a huff and downed her cider.

"You've never tried that before," Jake said. Olivia didn't bother to hide her shock. "I didn't follow you here if that's what you're thinking," he went on. "I was going to come here for dinner anyway. It's just a bonus that you're here."

Oh god, her mind raced. This was going to be a disaster. When Fitz got here and saw the two of them together—but before she could reply the room filled with raucous cheers. The bartender turned up the volume as the live newsfeed played.

"I'm Angela Erickson and this is Eye Witness News at 7:00. If you think the line here at Union Mack's is usually long on a Saturday night, the wait just got even longer because of one of the patrons inside. Our Commander in Chief is blowing off some steam and playing a game or two of pool."

Olivia couldn't hide her disappointment.

"Oh yeah, Union Mack's! Man, it's been years since I've been to that place. The President used to love to go there after a burger here," Jake said. "Guess he had a change in plans." Jake held his own beer up to the screen in a mock salute and tipped it back to take a swig.

Later that night in her apartment Olivia watched the news piece on the President enjoying a game of pool with the local patrons of Union Mack's. There were still photos and a few minutes of B footage that showed him starting a game, laughing and joking with a few college kids, and rolling up his sleeves to challenge someone to a game. No one had been brave enough to take up the challenge except Madeline Anderson. Olivia put the woman's name into her phone and sent Huck a quick text message asking him to pull everything he could.

Maddie Anderson was a Harvard Law professor who had practiced for nearly twenty years in the Nation's capital before choosing the quiet life of New England. She also happened to be a champion pool player who was in town to judge a collegiate tournament. The news reporter speculated that Maddie could have easily bested the President, and though she held the lead for most of the game, she had ultimately "let" him win.

Olivia scoffed. Fitz was excellent at pool. He could have won tournaments too. It annoyed her to see the two of them so chummy, but she put it out of her mind. Fitz was a flirt and Maddie Anderson was a gorgeous woman. She had elegant and refined features, dark blonde hair which fell just to her shoulders, was slim and tall at 5 foot 7 inches without her heels. Olivia knew that particular detail because of the constant loop of footage in which Maddie had kicked off her expensive heels to concentrate on the game when the score really got close.

She had begun to tune the broadcast out as she scoured her newsfeed for updated information and critiques on the divorce when she heard some different. She turned up the volume and ignored her ringing cell phone.

"Sources say that the newly single President Grant took such a liking to attorney, and apparent pool shark, Madeline Anderson that he has invited her to be his guest at the upcoming Clinton Foundation soiree honoring women in the arts. No word yet on whether or not Ms. Anderson has accepted."

Shocked, Olivia declined the incoming call again and immediately dialed Cyrus' home line. He answered on the first ring.

"Hello Olivia," Cyrus replied.

"I need to see him."

"I'm sure you do, but that's not going to happen, Liv. He doesn't listen to me anymore. If he did, he'd still be married! I think both you and I are well past the point of influence."

"Did he revoke my hard pass?"

"No," Cyrus sighed.

"Good, then I want to see him—right now."

"Olivia, I'm home with my daughter. Your goddaughter, remember Ella? Her father was murdered by your boyfriend. The time of me doing Olivia Pope favors is definitely OVER."

Olivia gasped and pushed back tears. "Cyrus, I need this." She ignored the jab, she had completely lost control and if she didn't see Fitz and find her center in the next thirty seconds she was going to implode.

She relaxed a little when she heard Cyrus huff. "You can have five minutes tomorrow morning at 11:00. He's making an appearance at an event for the Daughters of the American Revolution, no longer giving the keynote because alliances with sitting Presidents who get divorced aren't good for any organization's reputation. I will not put you on the calendar, you have a meeting with ME—that will take place in my office, not the Oval." Cyrus hung up.

From the moment Olivia set foot on the White House lawn and moved past the security check points she could feel all eyes on her. The expressions were one of welcome for the most part-had she come back to rescue the President once again? Olivia felt pride as she moved through the halls, but once she started down the hall to Cyrus' office, an agent stepped into her path, whispered something to one of her other escorts, and suddenly,

"Please follow me, ma'am."

Olivia thought to protest for a moment—she recognized one of the men as one of the agents who'd asked her to come to the Oval Office at midnight to receive her—Mellie's—divorce papers. She wondered if this agent was going to try to send her out without seeing Fitz. Panic flooded through her but then Olivia realized she wasn't being led away from the Oval office but rather towards it, just on a less public and direct route.

When the door opened in front of her, Fitz stood and addressed her.

"Ms. Pope."

"Mr. President."

Once they were alone it didn't take long for the conversation to turn. "You haven't been taking my calls," Olivia said.

"That's because we don't have anything to say to each other, Olivia."

His refusal to use her nickname was starting to grate on her nerves.

"I think you could use my help. Who is handling this for you?"

"I don't need help."

"You're the first President in American history to divorce his wife while in office. You definitely need some help."

"And what would your strategy be? Hmm? Get Mellie back here and have us reconcile and remarry?" He laughed loudly. "Go home, Olivia."

She was getting to him, she smiled in satisfaction. Maybe now he could pull down some of those walls and let her in. She had to find a way.

"Have you decided what to do about my father?" she ventured. Maybe changing the subject completely for a little while would do the trick.

"He's Command, Olivia. You don't just 'do something about him' he has to be managed in a very specific way—I'm handling it."

"But he-"

"I know all too well what and who your father is and what he's done."

"You can't let him get away with this, Fitz."

"Right, and I'll be the man who killed your father."

"He deserves to be held accountable," Olivia hedged. Can I help somehow?" She thought of her meeting with her father that Huck was still trying to arrange. It was taking him longer than usual to get back to her. She would have to check on him in person instead of trusting Quinn to relay messages, she realized.

"You're going to help take down your father?" Fitz asked. "Help him into the grave?" he asked in disbelief.

"I want to help bring my father to justice," Olivia countered, "and that does not mean ending his life, but it does mean that he doesn't see the light of day again. He hurt you, he hurt Jake, and he hurt all of us." She realized her mistake in mentioning Jake all too late. Fitz's countenance turned stormy.

"Olivia, I asked you not to come back here. Now I'm telling you. Leave."

She ignored his warning and sat. "You don't think very much of me anymore, do you?" Her voice was quiet, trying to calm him.

"I told you how I felt last week. Nothing has changed." He walked past her to pour himself a drink and she moved to the bar cart looking at him expectantly. He had always poured her one, too. This time he didn't. He downed the first drink and poured himself another before moving away from her and back towards the Resolute desk. Olivia stamped her foot in frustration and her voice came out in a whine that almost shocked her own ears. She moved after him, as close as she dared.

"What do you want, Olivia? Why are you here?" His shoulders slumped and she sensed an opening when he turned around. She rushed to him, her hands sweeping up his chest and squeezing his shoulders. His hands fell naturally at her waist.

"I want to touch you," her voice let out in a heady whisper. His forehead fell against hers and her breathing quickened. She closed her eyes briefly as he squeezed and rubbed her sides, her hips, her ass. It was a reflex, to touch each other. He felt so good. "Fitz, please—I don't understand why we can't-"

He stepped away from her immediately as if he had been doused in cold water. "You broke my heart, Olivia! You left me again. You chose him. You slept with him over and over. Every time I look at you, I see him. I see the two of you on that fucking beach. My son is dead. My wife is gone-that's fine, I sent her away-but she's gone. You're gone. My daughter's innocence is gone. All I have left are the walls of this White House and whatever remains of the trust of the American People. I don't have you," he put up a finger when she started to protest.

Olivia found no words for long moments. "You had a wife. You had another baby with her; you had every right whenever you wanted to choose other partners."

Fitz looked at Olivia like she had two heads. "You had other partners, Liv." She attributed the use of her nickname to the alcohol. "You almost married Edison Davis. I didn't have the right to police your love life then. I still don't. But you asked me why—why can't I have you in here working with me. Why can't you be in my world in any way? I'll tell you. Jake Ballard was my friend. I trusted him. And now I hate the sight of him, because he has you."

"Fitz-"

"He's had you on the beach, in the ocean, in bed for hours, for weeks on end—Olivia, I can't work with you. I can't even look at you. We just don't have any reason anymore to have anything else to do with each other."

Hot tears fell down Olivia's cheeks as she brushed them quickly away, turned on her heels, and walked out.

A/N: That was pretty emotional for me to write. I wanted to work more on the transitions between the scenes but then I just realized, this is what I need Fitz to say to Olivia, and this is what I need her to try to hear. The only other comment I have after that gamut of emotions is, picture Maddie Anderson as a reimagined mix of Diane Lane in looks and attitude, and Lily Raab in fun and spirit. I like her. I hope you'll like her, too.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Wow, you guys have definitely been letting me know how you feel and I am so grateful! I can't possibly address you all individually, but I'll just touch on a few points. Most of you understand my motivations, and for those of you that don't, I'm glad you're sticking around anyway waiting for my intentions to be made clear. So let me take a moment to offer some clarity—I am FOREVER TEAM OLITZ. I don't ever want to watch or see or write any other endgame. Somebody asked if it was fair that Fitz and Liv punish each other? Well, I would argue that they're not doing that now in my story, but my story is a reaction to what is and has been happening on Scandal. Is Fitz angry with Liv? Yep. Does he feel hurt that she abandoned him? For sure. Whether or not any characters' feelings are FAIR is totally irrelevant to me. Because they're FEELINGS and feelings aren't rational, fair, or captive. They are also changeable. Fitz and Liv's relationship is pretty complex and there's been lots of imbalance on both sides at different stages of their relationship.

One reviewer also asked if Liv should stay and wait for Fitz who is still married in canon. I don't think she should. But that doesn't mean that Fitz would reach some Zen acceptance about that, either. OF course he would be hurt-of course he would be bothered, and of course more than likely he would express that to Olivia, and it would be up to her what she did about those feelings, including doing nothing.

We saw a much different reaction from Fitz with Olivia's relationship with Edison-he didn't like it, but I think he (and we, hello?) knew that that was not a threat. We also didn't have to watch, thank GOD, a whole bunch of graphic sex scenes with Edison. Jake is different on MULTIPLE levels. I won't go into why that is, because I trust if you have any feelings at all about Jake, good or bad, then you know what the laundry list is of why Olitz fans have a problem with him and more importantly why FITZ has a problem with him.

You'll never see me write a version of Fitz that asks Olivia not to be with Jake. But he's not going to throw them a parade for being together, and he might not even have enough grace to give her his blessing. But what he can do and what he will do is let being with Jake or not being with him completely up to Olivia.

Chapter 5

_"What do you want, Olivia?" _

_"I want to touch you."_

Fitz chuckled, deep, throaty, and sexy, "Not yet, sweet baby." He touched her instead, his index finger going from her lips, down her chest, and over the tender flesh of her belly. He observed her muscles tighten and quiver at his ministrations. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Fitz leaned down and blew gently on her nipples, kissing everywhere but exactly where she wanted him. When he sat back on the bed, he rested in between her legs. His large hands ran up and down her thighs, massaging deeply.

It was then that Olivia struggled against the bindings provided by his tie and her sheer stockings. She kept her eyes closed at his instruction. She licked her lips in anticipation and growled when he spread her legs apart and pushed them back towards her chest. He nibbled gently at the tender flesh behind her left knee and smiled when she squirmed and let out a tiny giggle followed by an extremely satisfied sigh. Her hands were in tight fists as she fought not to cum before he had really even got things started. Eager, but unwilling to let her hurt herself; Fitz reached up and kissed each of her wrists at the pulse points and loosened the garments slightly.

"Oh my god, Fitz," Olivia groaned and angled her body to get closer to him. He'd straddled her to get closer to the binds and she felt the evidence of his arousal lightly brush against her skin. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, and then her lips, his tongue diving into her mouth. She pushed back, her tongue intertwining with his. She let out a frustrated moan when he backed off again, this time moving off the bed completely. "What are you doing? Where are you going? Her eyes flashed open and her hands unconsciously tugged forward as she tried to sit further up on the bed.

Fitz reached for the ice bucket which held a bottle of celebratory champagne purchased by the Grant Campaign. Her eyes grew wider as she realized his intention. She smiled, laughed a little, and then shook her head, trying to sound serious and stern, "Fitz, no."

"Come on," he said, setting the bucket on the nightstand and taking out a piece of ice. "Haven't you ever done this before?" He brought the ice close to her and she flinched away, eyeing him warily, but with desire.

"No, I haven't, because it's cheesy."

"Liv, do you trust me?" he asked earnestly. He leaned down closer to her and kissed her again, this time with more desperation than before; with a promise that she would enjoy this. When he pulled back this time, Olivia's eyes locked on him, following his movements. She bit her bottom lip in anticipation and nodded her answer. "All right then, shut your eyes." He kissed her briefly once more and then dragged the ice cube across her lips, letting her suck the tip just slightly.

The ice made its way down Olivia's neck, and across one nipple, then the other, the coolness of the ice immediately soothed by Fitz's warm mouth. Olivia was speechless but made every indication of how pleased she was with various moans and mumbles of approval. Fitz continued dragging the ice cube down her navel and across her abdomen.

"Fuck, Fitz," Olivia trembled and bucked her hips. "Are you—? Oh my god!"

He answered her question as he pushed the quickly melting cube home and followed with his mouth.

Olivia woke with a start from her dream, her heart racing and her body covered in sweat. She'd been on her back but immediately rolled over, tucking her knees up to her chest as pleasure so profound still rippled through her. She closed her eyes again, relieved that she was alone in bed. Her hips unconsciously undulated as she recalled her dream with remarkable clarity. She could still feel his hands on her body, still feel the urge she had to break away from her binds and touch his heated flesh. She remembered how good it felt when he finally released her and rolled her tired body on top of his. They had made love again and this time it was long, slow, and delicious.

Olivia's dreams of Fitz were usually pleasant and typically only caused good feelings, but this now she was surprised by her own tears. An overwhelming need came over her to talk to Fitz. It was late, she knew, but he was always awake at this time, so she took a chance and called.

Prepared to hear the digital recording that there was no answer, she was surprised when he picked up.

"Hello?"

Olivia sprang up in bed. "Fitz? Fitz. Hi. You answered. Hi."

He didn't say anything for a long time, but finally, "Hi."

"I shouldn't have called, I know, but I just, wanted to hear your voice. I just needed a minute."

"I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have thrown Jake in your face like that."

"I don't want to talk about Jake. Forget it, its fine. How are you?"

He sighed deeply. "I'm good. Better than expected, actually. Cyrus stopped yelling, finally. I'm having some productivity in my meetings again. Everything's going to be all right. You?"

Olivia nodded, listening so hard to what he was saying that she didn't respond.

"Hmm? Oh, I know things got a little emotional earlier, but I'm okay. I think I understand now what you meant before. I know things between us have to … change."

The timbre of his voice in her ear in the otherwise dark room combined with the effects of her dream made heat pool once again between her legs. He chuckled the same way he had done that night, knowing how she sounded when she was in the mood.

"I'm glad you understand. Are you sure you're all right?"

A wave of sadness washed over her again and she wished to God that he was in the same room with her. She still wanted to put her hands on him more than she wanted her next breath.

"I'm okay. Thanks for picking up. Are you going to bed soon? You have to be in Denver late tomorrow."

"Yes thank you, as soon as I hang up. Good night, Olivia."

"Night, Fitz-bye."

A/N: This little scene just popped in my head and I thought I would share it with you before we return to our regularly scheduled programming. And also before this week's tomfoolery and shenanigans on Scandal make me need another therapy session (which Fitz and Liv are totally getting in this story, btw). Hope you liked it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 7

"President Grant has a new friend. For the first time in history, a sitting President and confirmed bachelor, is dating."

Olivia rolled her eyes at the newscaster's apparent glee over the announcement.

"The President has been spending time with former attorney and law professor Madeline Anderson. Ms. Anderson, who met the President over a casual game of pool last month, has been seen visiting him at the White House, and the President even attended a lecture given by Ms. Anderson and several of her colleagues in California last weekend. Rumor has it that Ms. Anderson and the President will make their official debut at a special ball honoring veterans tonight at the Fairmont Hotel. Ms. Anderson's only son a 23 year old Navy Seal was killed in the line of duty two years ago. Though the White House has not yet released an official statement, insiders say that the sweet romance began slowly, just a short time after the President shocked the world announcing his divorce. The former First Lady, Mellie Grant, has not commented publicly on the dating rumors, but is instead choosing to focus on lending her support to an upcoming governor's race in her home state of North Carolina, and helping her daughter Karen Grant, tour potential colleges."

Olivia turned the television off and tried to concentrate on the case in front of her. Some millionaire trying to cover up insider trading and keep the press focused on their good deeds as a benefactor to troubled inner-city youth. It wasn't her best work, but it would do. Quinn could handle it, all Olivia would have to do is make one appearance at a press conference in two hours and then she was done for the week. No other cases lined up so far, and no meetings. All she had to look forward to was tonight's ball, and now that she knew Fitz was bringing a date she dreaded that too.

She glanced at the dress which hung on the back of her closed office door. She had planned to leave from there for the ball since it was closer than her apartment, but now she reconsidered. That dress wasn't going to be enough to upstage Maddie Anderson. Mature, refined, and still sexy, she wouldn't admit it publicly, but Olivia admired the woman's fashion sense. Every time Olivia saw her, Maddie looked perfect. First Lady perfect.

Olivia stood up and began walking in circles around the room. She mentally searched through her closet evaluating dresses and wondering when she'd become this woman. In the past she'd have been confident that she could command Fitz's attention in a potato sack. But now he was different, he had let her go, he was divorced, and he was dating. The thought made her stomach turn.

Instead of examining why she felt the way she felt, Olivia pushed all thought out of her head and decided to go home for a different dress—one that she felt sure would capture Fitz's attention. She didn't speak to anyone as she gathered her purse and stalked out of the office. She smirked as she thought of how the gown would fit her, its low back and thin straps which meant that Fitz would have to touch her bare skin. It thrilled her to know that he would because it had been so long, after all how could he ignore a public invitation from her for a dance? It would especially please her to cut in while he was dancing with Maddie.

Olivia's thoughts were interrupted by a text message from Quinn, alerting her to the fact that their client was having a panic attack and thinking about cancelling the press conference. She sighed and let the elevators which had just opened on the lobby close again. She went back upstairs, her mind returned to work. The first dress she'd selected, still gorgeous, would have to do.

The ball was in full swing by the time Olivia arrived. Officers of varying types and ranks flanked the red carpet, smiling gallantly and she acknowledged all of them as she moved down the line.

"Thank you for your service," she whispered occasionally, offering her best smile. When she reached the end of the line, she was surprised when the officer took her hand and kissed it. Looking up, she realized that Jake Ballard was standing there in his official uniform, complete with the white hat.

He appeared very pleased to see her, and told her so. Speechless, Olivia took her hand back and kept walking, glancing over her shoulder to see that Jake continued to greet other guests. How could she have been so stupid? Of course he would be here.

"Fantastic," she muttered to herself. Could this evening get any worse? Maybe before she would have been glad for Jake to distract her from Fitz and Mellie's years of parading around as a happy couple, but tonight she wanted Fitz's attention and with Jake Ballard in the room she might earn it—but for entirely the wrong reasons.

She found Cyrus instead and stuck to him like glue, both of them avoiding topics they didn't want to discuss. Cyrus talked about Ella, Olivia talked about work, and when the President and his date came into the room all eyes turned to them. Fitz came to stand in the middle of the dance floor, took a microphone and made a quick but beautiful speech expressing thanks to the servicemen and women in the room, and received loud applause for his efforts. He made mention of Maddie's son specifically, and then extended his hand to her for a dance. As the rest of the room began to join them, Olivia turned her attention to his dance partner. Maddie looked beautiful, she wore a navy blue dress which tapered out into an elegant pool at her feet and white lace capped sleeves. Her blonde hair was swept up into a similar bun as Olivia's and a simple and elegant necklace of freshwater pearls adorned her neck.

Olivia smoothed the front of her own black dress and touched her bare neck self-consciously and looked to Cyrus for a dance. Finding him looking at the bottom of his scotch glass, Olivia sighed when she felt the familiar touch of Jake's hand on her shoulder. Not at all in the mood to refuse him and feeling a little neglected, so she allowed herself to be swept into his arms and onto the dance floor just feet away from Fitz.

"It's been a while," Jake said to her.

"It has."

"You and Fitz haven't worked things out?" He smiled knowingly.

"That's none of your business." Olivia stiffened in his arms.

"Come home with me tonight," Jake said brazenly. Olivia looked over her shoulder, concerned that anyone at all would hear their conversation. She remained tight lipped for the rest of the dance. When it concluded she clapped politely her eyes searching for Fitz but finding him nowhere. "Offer still stands," Jake said as he moved off the floor and towards the bar. Olivia followed, in need of a drink, but stopped when she spotted Fitz walking out onto a balcony, flanked by secret service agents. She recognized both of the agents and decided to press her luck, walking as closely as she dared.

Neither agent spoke to her as she passed them slowly. "Fitz?" she asked quietly. He turned suddenly, his expression one of relief. She let go of the breath she was holding, too.

"Hello, Olivia."

Mildly distressed by the way he addressed her; she walked forward and smiled as best she could.

"Where's your date?" she asked.

"Where's yours? I saw you dancing with Jake."

"He's not my date," she corrected him.

"Ah." Fitz paused and turned to look out at the sparkling DC lights. "Well Maddie needed a moment; the first song that played was a song she used to dance to with her son David."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Olivia said.

"She'll be back in a minute."

"Right. You came out here to wait for her." He was such a gentleman. Olivia felt the clock ticking faster. "Fitz, I didn't come here with Jake or anyone else."

"It's fine, Olivia, it's none of my business."

"I sort of wish you did care," Olivia let out in a rushed breath.

"I don't want to do this right now."

"When should we do it, Fitz? You won't return my calls, you fired Abby, which you shouldn't have done by the way, because she's a great Press Secretary."

"She's a pretty good spy, too," Fitz said with a chuckle. "Abby has my recommendation and my respect, just not my ear."

"Fitz-"

"I'm sorry to interrupt, sir," An aide appeared in the door way just beyond the curtains. Olivia cursed under her breath. "Ms. Anderson has asked me to let you know she wasn't feeling well and has decided to end the evening early."

"Thank you," Fitz replied, stuffing his hands into his pockets and openly admiring Olivia in her dress. She flushed under the heat of his gaze and stepped closer to him. "Do you need a ride home?" he asked.

"That would be nice."

Fitz surprised Olivia by offering her his arm, but she declined. "That's what I thought," he said. Olivia's face fell but she followed behind him at a safe and discreet distance her mind reeling with what might happen when they were alone in the limo.

No one saw them enter the limo together as it had been parked on a secure and secluded floor of the parking garage. It would take several minutes to exit the structure and then wade through the thick traffic provided by weekend travelers, paparazzi, and buses in the busy downtown area. Olivia tried to look out the window and give him space since he clearly wasn't in the mood to talk, but her patience wore thin quickly.

"So is this how it's going to be?" Olivia asked. "We see other at functions, in the White House mall, pass without acknowledgement, maybe the occasional handshake?"

"Yes."

"WHY?" she asked desperately.

Fitz sat silent for a few moments, before surprising Olivia by speaking abruptly.

"I've never seen you like that, you know," Fitz whispered. "Never seen your hair just wavy, free, kissed by the sun. Never held your hand along a shoreline. I've never gone away with you and had the opportunity to just be with you, endlessly. I wanted that with you. But when I think about that, I think about Jake. I'm a man, Olivia, it bothers me. But you know I can get past that. You're a beautiful woman. There have been other men in your life. There's been other women in mine."

She bristled at the thought.

"But what I have a harder time with is the fact that you CHOSE it. And you KEEP CHOOSING it. So forgive me if I have my doubts that Jake will ever be out of your system, out of your mind, out of your heart."

She gave a wry smile. Jake had said the same thing about Fitz. More than once.

"I'm not with Jake anymore," she said. She didn't know if it was a lie. Nothing had been said. She still took his calls sometimes. "He's my friend," she added. They both knew it was a lie.

"Okay," Fitz nodded. "I heard him invite you home with him tonight. I didn't hear you turn it down. Damn it." He closed his eyes and leaned back against the seat. "We'll never have that without it being tainted, Olivia." Each time he said her full name instead of Liv, it killed her.

"Every time I think about sun and sand I see you on that beach with him. I see you leaving me, us, everything you care about behind. And the only thing I can reason is that you did it because you wanted to. And that tells me everything I need to know."

"You're supposed to forgive me, Fitz! You have to forgive me!"

"Oh honey, I do forgive you. We've forgiven each other for so much."

"You have?"

"Yes."

"Well then I don't understand why we can't-"

"Olivia, don't you get it? I'm not content to spend my life hiding our relationship. You don't want to go public. Stalemate. So I have to get on with my life. What happens when I want to take you out and you give me an excuse? What happens when your career is ruined because of your association with me? What happens if I marry you and your last name becomes Grant? You've shown me over and over that you don't want those things."

She gasped. Could he really think that?

"So, I heard you. I hear you. This is too much for you. Being with you in secret is too much for me. We cannot be friends. We cannot hang out. Now, am I being clear?"

She shook her head and in the quiet darkness he mumbled that he was sorry he'd been so frank.

"I'm sorry if I was harsh," he sighed. "Look, Olivia, I just-"

She shook her head and waved her hand, her mouth turning down in a frown briefly before she smiled through her tears. "I really did it this time, didn't I? It's really over?"

"That's always been up to you, Olivia. I just wasn't listening to you before. You've been trying to leave me for a long time. I just wouldn't let you. Well, I'm not standing in your way anymore. You can have your life, you can have Jake. Have a blast."

"Ugh, why do you always have to bring him up?!"

"BECAUSE HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND NOW HE'S FUCKING YOU!"

The limo came to a stop and Olivia knew after a few moments that they had arrived. She had thought him indifferent. She had thought him angry, but she had never imagined that he could be this hurt.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Goodnight, Olivia."

Olivia walked up to the front door of her building and didn't look back at the limo. She heard it take off before the doors closed behind her and didn't relish the scene. Fitz's words haunted her. They convicted her. He knew she was afraid and she couldn't admit it. She was supposed to be fearless. But she couldn't let him—couldn't let this ruin her. Her father's words echoed in her ear and the more obstacles were removed from her and Fitz's path, the more she had to begin to realize that she was the only one standing in her own way.

Sullen, she kicked her heels off in the elevator, and gathered her skirt in her hands so she could walk. She dug around in her purse and was grateful when Abby opened the door. She had been working there all day.

"Wow," Abby said when Olivia walked past her. "What put that look on your face?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and gave Abby the story. "I don't know what he's doing, Abby. I love him, he knows that, and he still thinks he needs to be _dating._" She said the word with a sneer.

"That lawyer?" Abby asked.

"Yes, that LAWYER." Olivia sat down on her couch in a heap, "That other lawyer. You'd think he would've learned about lawyers, by now. We're difficult." She sighed.

"Did you have some _difficulty_ with Madeline Anderson?"

"No, just with the fact that Fitz danced with her and is probably with her right now," Olivia said softly.

Abby nodded. "I'll get the wine."

A lot happened in this chapter! Fitz is frustrated. Olivia isn't ready. But their love is still alive in my heart and in theirs—promise! Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Three Weeks Later

Olivia sat in her office, shaken from an encounter she'd just had with her father. Eli Pope or Rowan, depending on what persona he was wearing that day, still remained a specter over her relationships with both Jake and Fitz. Some small part of Olivia knew that Fitz was safe as long as she stayed away from him, and that though her father didn't want her with Jake either, it was a relationship he tolerated more, because he still believed in his own ability to manipulate Jake. Eli had come to remind her of that—that her situation remained precarious—that nothing about his role in Fitz's son's death, or his imprisonment of her mother Maya would stop him from continuing to run B 6-13. Short of letting Jake murder her father, she knew he was right. The knowledge caused bile to rise in her throat. How were any of them supposed to live with that?

She pushed Jake from her mind, not anxious to examine her complicated feelings for him. She looked at her watch and wondered what was keeping Abby. The night after the ball and her argument in the limo with Fitz, Olivia had been grateful for Abby's listening ear. But Abby had left suddenly that night when she got a mysterious text from Olivia's rival political fixer, Leo Bergan. Olivia detected a hint of a smile on her friend's face, but she didn't have the energy to ask more.

Olivia's mind was reeling. She was losing Fitz. The thought of that made her want to go crazy. She had to think of something to do. This was the man she loved. This was her friend. This was a man who was in so much pain he was willing to ruin his legacy for some sort of peace. Olivia knew no peace would come from severing their relationship. It was the truest thing either one of them had ever experienced. She had to make him see that again. But the cost would be to remove Jake from her life, and she didn't know if she wanted to do that yet. She ignored the hypocrisy, squelched the feeling, refused to examine how she could not have them both in her life and how she was unwilling to relinquish her hold on either of them.

A small part of Olivia worried if she should just listen to Fitz and let it go. She could live with Jake. Fitz could date. He could find someone and be happy. He was already happy. The words were black in her mind-Fitz happy with someone else. The news coverage burned into her memory of Fitz and Maddie playing pool at the White House, her in the audience of his speeches, the fact that he looked younger and happier than when he won the election the first time, and the most glaring truth—Olivia had almost run into Maddie in a department store and she'd nearly run over the salesgirl getting the hell out of there before she was seen. Olivia Pope didn't back down from anybody, but she didn't want to meet Maddie. She didn't want to hear her voice, or see her up close, because then she would know.

Olivia didn't want a front row seat to how Fitz's heart could ever lead him to someone else. Maddie Anderson was perfect for him in every way. She was beautiful, elegant, funny, down-to-earth, and beloved by her students. She had an amazing record of judgments in her favor as an attorney, and damn her, she was willing to hold hands with the President in public. Olivia didn't dare think of what else she was willing to do with Fitz in private. She knew his passions all too well, knew what an accomplished and purposeful lover he was, and she knew how passionless his relationship with Mellie had been. The thought of Fitz touching Maddie, of wanting her at all, made Olivia want to break something—hard.

She couldn't dwell on that now though she had to think of something to do. This limbo they were all in couldn't last forever, and she had a feeling she was the key to it all. Standing, she flung open her office door. "Huck, can you get me Tom and Jake's interrogation tapes?"

Two Hours Later

Olivia sat in her office with the door shut, head phones in place, fingers wrapped together and resting underneath her chin. She watched the footage with a cold and calculating eye, analyzed Jake's responses, his insistence upon seeing the President, wincing when she heard him taught Fit, and the way that both Jake and Tom reacted to the pressure of being questioned by her father. Eli was a master manipulator and it was going to take a while for Olivia to put together everything she needed to bring him down. She didn't know if Jake or Fitz would wait, but she would do what she could.

In the meantime, she felt desperate to secure her relationship with Fitz and there was one person who could help her.

Santa Barbara, California, the next day

"Olivia Pope to see you, ma'am." Mellie's assistant walked out of the room as quickly as she had entered.

Olivia squared her shoulders and stepped from the foyer into the living room of the Santa Barbara ranch house that Fitz had shared with Mellie. She hadn't been there since Big Gerry's funeral several years ago. She had both painful and happy memories here.

Mellie wore her hair up in an elegant bun, a bright red blouse and high-waisted slacks and a matching cardigan along with basic flats. Olivia was surprised at how casual Mellie looked but she wasn't the First Lady anymore and didn't have to look the part every day. Olivia was still dressed in her business chic charcoal gray pantsuits of which she had many, choosing instead to let her expensive Movado watch, a secret gift from Fitz, and her couture purse add the flash she needed.

The two women stood staring at each other, sizing each other up. Mellie appeared wary, and after a moment of awkward silence, she spoke up. "What do you want, Olivia?" Mellie spoke through gritted teeth as though it was difficult to put up the pretense of politeness.

"I'm sorry things didn't go the way you wanted," Olivia began. How did you apologize for a divorce that you didn't want to happen—well, not until later?

"Just spit it out, false platitudes don't become you. You were always a woman who spoke her mind. It's the one thing I liked about you. What does Fitz want now? I've done everything he's asked of me. I've kept my mouth shut, I moved out of the White House and out of D.C. I've stuck to the script and now he's free to be with you." Mellie stood with her hip jutted out to the side and her arms akimbo.

"Fitz didn't send me here," Olivia said as she cleared her throat. "May we sit?"

Mellie's features remained blank, and then an evil smile slid across her face and smug satisfaction washed over her features. "Madeline Anderson is not your creation, I take it?"

Olivia adjusted her suit jacket and perched on the edge of the couch cushion as far away from Mellie as she could get. She wasn't sure if Karen was home, the door hadn't been shut all the way. She would have to be careful what she said, but she needed to know where Fitz's head was, she needed Mellie's help to determine what he would do next.

"I—Fitz—their relationship is real," Olivia stated looking at the floor.

"He left you, too, didn't he? Seems he dropped all of us. Well, I'm not surprised." Her posture indicated the complete opposite. "Fitz isn't the same man. He's developed…backbone," Mellie snarled. "Before we were married I found that to be very attractive about him." Mellie's thoughts appeared to drift momentarily. "So why are you here, now?" Mellie asked. "Surprised to still find yourself as the mistress? Well, Olivia I could have told you—you would always be his dirty little secret."

"Okay," Olivia took a deep breath and stood. Mellie looked up at her in shock. "Let's not pretend anymore, shall we? You're no longer Fitz's wife. I came here to find out how in the world he got you to agree to a divorce when I was quite sure you would keep your nails in him to the grave. We both know that Fitz loves me, he's proud of me, and he still wants me. We're in love, we're not some torrid affair and but for the fact that he is the President, his relationship with you ended the day he met me. I don't say that to you out of disrespect, but let me make one thing clear, the days of you treating me with disdain and disrespect are very, VERY, over."

"How dare you come into my house and speak to me this way?!" Mellie boomed as she stood. "You are nothing but a-"

"Don't say it, Mellie. You still have an ally in me that you will lose if you utter that next word. I'm many things, but I am not Fitz's whore. We both know that."

"What do you want?" she huffed.

"I want to know what changed. Fitz may have been unhappy, but I thought he was content. You were clear in your terms of marriage," Olivia continued as she paced the room after abandoning her bag and coat on a nearby chair. He has a little more than two years left on his term, he didn't have to get divorced right now, after six years in office—after everything—how did he get you to agree?"

"I signed the divorce papers in a moment of insanity after Jerry died," Mellie replied, wringing her hands. "I was drunk, I didn't even remember, but Fitz did. He learned of my resumed affair with Andrew and assumed that I wanted it too. He came to me, ready to file the divorce papers, with a promise to support me financially, and politically, if I agreed to end things now."

"And if you didn't?"

"Then he would expose my affair with Andrew and divorce me anyway. Karen walked in on us during this discussion and I looked at her face and his—I had to be strong enough to put us all out of the pain we were in. Karen wanted to come home from boarding school, but she didn't want to live in D.C. not after everything that's happened here." Mellie turned away from Olivia then and walked over to the family portrait that rested on the fireplace mantel. "I did it for my daughter, not for Fitz."

"You did it because he had physical evidence of your affair that he was willing to expose," Olivia said succinctly. "Why didn't you just threaten to expose our relationship?"

"With what proof?" Mellie snarled. "You've been much more careful than I ever was, and I couldn't count on the public even believing it after that Jeanine debacle. No, this way was best for everyone."

Olivia still suspected that there was something Mellie wasn't telling her, but the scenario was plausible enough. Fitz was tired of the pretense and he wanted to be free. He was making room for Olivia in his life and she still couldn't step into the role. The knowledge was bitter.

"Mellie, tell me the truth, and you have me on three campaigns when you run for office—your choice." Olivia folded her arms and looked at her expectantly.

"He found letters written to me by his father. I never opened them, never responded to them, apparently Fitz read them. They were…explicit."

Olivia sighed as understanding washed over her. Fitz had reached his breaking point and needed Mellie out of his life. Faced with the knowledge that his father had harbored these feelings for her throughout their marriage and that she had kept it from him coupled with her affair with Andrew was something Mellie couldn't come back from. She knew when to fold and live to play another day.

"Considering everything we've been through, I thought it best not to protest."

Olivia nodded. "You were right. Fitz is forgiving, but he has his limits."

Mellie shook her head in agreement, a look of vulnerability flashing on her face. "You should know, right? Madeline Anderson is happening because of Jake Ballard."

Olivia's shock only stayed on her face for a moment—there was the Mellie she knew so well, ever ready to go for the jugular. Olivia decided to ignore her and gather her things.

"Do you think the American People can ever get past it?" Mellie asked in a sudden burst of hopefulness. "I can run again and win, can't I, Liv?"

"Do you think Fitz can get past Jake?" Olivia surprised herself with the question.

"If he hates the sight of Jake Ballard the way I hate the sight of you, no. Goodbye, Olivia." Mellie flounced out, leaving Olivia to stand alone in the room.

One Week Later

Olivia clutched her glass of wine and waited. She wasn't surprised when Fitz answered the phone this time. Mellie had probably told him about her visit and if she hadn't, undoubtedly it had reached him via the Secret Service report. It had been a week since Olivia had traveled to Santa Barbara trying to get some answers out of Mellie about their divorce.

"Hello."

"Hi," she ventured. He didn't respond. Only slightly discouraged, Olivia sighed and continued on. "I went to see Mellie."

"I know."

"She told you?"

"She did. She wanted to make sure I was aware of your promise to help her on future campaigns and that I wouldn't forbid it."

"That's Mellie," Olivia smiled.

"Did you get the answers you wanted?" Fitz asked.

"I don't know."

"You can't keep calling me, Olivia."

Of course she could. His word of warning meant nothing to her. They had told each other countless times over the years that it was over. They had rarely been on the same page when it came to their relationship and she felt more possessive of him than ever. She ignored him.

"Mellie told me some things, about your father," Olivia hedged anxious not to upset him, "But not what I really wanted to know."

"If she told you about the letters then you have your answer," Fitz said.

"But what did you say?" Olivia asked quietly. "How did you ever get Mellie Grant to let you go?" She finished her glass of wine and put it down. Mellie was the queen of blackmail, which never would have been enough.

"I told her everything would be fine," Fitz insisted. "I wouldn't abandon her, even though I was going to be with you. When you're with me, even if we're fighting, everything is fine. The world is burning now, but everything is fine. I told her that. I've never told her that before."

Olivia scoffed. "She's heard you say you love me before. She's heard us both say that."

"I know," Fitz replied. "You're my home. I love you. With you, everything is easier. Without you, everything is harder. I told her, and she listened."

"It can't be that simple," Olivia countered. "You had to threaten her, bribe her, promise our first born-" Olivia was trying to make a joke but Fitz's voice stopped her.

"I'd never do that."

Olivia smiled. "Then why do you want to end things?" She asked. "Why are you dating? Is this because of Jake?"

Fitz sighed loudly. "You can't be this oblivious, Olivia. When was the last time you slept with Jake? You know what, don't answer that. What you couldn't say before and can't say now is that you love him. Loved him. Love him still, I don't know. It's none of my business."

"I love him," Olivia nodded, sorry she had to say the words. She poured her second glass of wine in her kitchen and got half way through it before continuing. "I will always love him, I will always love Edison, and I will always love my father. I can't erase them. You are punishing me for it."

"Punishment? What punishment? Because you're not getting your own way? Damn it, Olivia! Go be in love. Go have your life, go stand in the goddamned sun! Leave the rest of us here. I can't talk about this anymore. I don't want to see you again. STOP calling me."

Her heart slammed in her chest, cold hard panic thrummed through her veins. She blurted out anything she could think of to stop him hanging up, anything she could do to make him stay on the line.

"What are you going to do, coward? Try to kill yourself again?!" The words came out in a gasp and she shook as she uttered them, hopeful that it worked, that he would forgive her one day, for the betrayal.

He stopped breathing for a moment and in that instant her heart surged high and then a dial tone filled her ears.

"Ohhh, my god," she wailed, her knees buckling under her. Scrambling to her feet she clutched the door knob and twisted to fling the door open. Through her tears she could see Abby's hand raised, poised to knock. No longer able to keep it all inside, Olivia fell apart in her friend's arms.

Two Days Later

"Olivia?" Abby knocked softly and opened Olivia's bedroom door. Shrouded in darkness, the only glow coming from her cell phone and a digital clock on her nightstand, Olivia lay in the center of her bed, staring up at nothing. Abby put the tray of food down on the seat of the bench at the foot of the bed and sat gingerly. "Olivia," she said again as she brushed her friend's forehead. "I think you need to get some help. I think you need to talk to someone."

**A/N: I didn't know what would come out of this chapter. The finale left me reeling and I have decided to stop watching and following Scandal until Olivia and Fitz are fully reunited. I realize that because that may never happen, I may never get to enjoy that world again. You'll have to let me know in the reviews, as the story goes on, if they ever find their way back to each other in canon. For my story and purposes, Fitz has to get past Olivia's relationship with Jake, but in order to do that, she has to stop breaking his heart by continuing her association with Jake. And I guess they just aren't done yet, are they? Thanks to everyone for sticking with the story, and for enduring that hiatus of me posting. The muse just wasn't there. But she's back now and I've got much more left to say. Some nicer stuff coming up for Olitz in the next one, brief though it may be. **


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: wow, thank you guys for all the reviews. I can tell that what I had Olivia say to Fitz about his suicide attempt really struck a nerve with some of you. All I can say to that is good! Words are supposed to make you feel something. I'm glad they did. Olivia is in character of who she is in season four, but I think we all know the Olivia she is now, is not the one we once knew. Shonda can do what she wants, write whatever she wants. I hope I have a reason to tune in before it's all said and done, but like I said from the beginning, this story is for me—a way to right their love story before it's all over. Olitz IS endgame—for me. Stay tuned and thank you for reading.

**Chapter 8 **

Olivia was pacing around her living room while Abby watched in silence. Her feet moved in quick circles from one corner to the other. She walked with purpose, as if she was working several things out. Sometimes she mumbled, and she constantly looked at her cell phone. Abby had gotten her friend to eat something after she slept a few hours, and had fitful dreams. Abby was sure they were about Fitz because she heard Olivia calling his name in her sleep.

Just then, Olivia turned to Abby. "He's reported to that meeting on West Africa, right?"

Abby made a show of looking at her email on her phone to confirm what she already knew. "Yes, my former aides still keep me in the loop; they're hoping I come back, so I get blind copied on some of the alerts. He's going to have remarks in three hours."

Olivia nodded as if the news was barely a comfort, and kept walking. Abby looked at her watch again and blew out a breath when there was a rapid knock. Olivia stopped and stared at the door, before moving to the peephole. She peered through for a moment and then abruptly let go of the peephole cover and returned to her march.

"Um, do you want to get that?" Abby asked.

"No."

"No? You screamed all night long. I came here to talk to you and all you did was fall apart and cry in my arms. I love you, Liv, we've cried in each other's arms more than once, but this is beyond our annual meltdowns. Every time I see you, you look stricken."

"Look, Abby, don't psychoanalyze me, okay? You don't know what you're talking about." Olivia was getting defensive. She didn't like where this was going.

Abby shook her head. "You know, Liv, you are some piece of work."

Olivia's eyes flashed with shock and rage at her friend.

"They both love you. They're both willing to stay with you forever. And you won't choose. You play them against each other; you bounce back and forth-what kind of person-"

"Abby!"

"You need to get your life back. You need to talk to a therapist. You need to take some time for yourself, and then you need to decide who you want, and then you need to LIVE WITH IT!"

Olivia's jaw hung open, her brow creased. She didn't know what to say.

"I'm going to let your new therapist into your apartment now. You are going to have one session today and one session tomorrow. What you do after that is up to you."

"You can't make me talk to a therapist, Abby."

The look Abby gave her silenced Olivia. "I don't give a damn if you stare at the four walls and pick your nose; you're going to do it with an audience-today and tomorrow, Liv. Her name is Brenda Ford. "

Olivia looked at Abby like she had two heads.

"I've cancelled all your appointments. Quinn's taking the urgent meetings, and she'll let me know if there's anything she can't handle on her own."

"You have no right-"

"It's just a conversation, Liv. I don't care what you talk about, but you need to talk to someone because the woman that I saw last night is NOT OKAY."

"Abby, I am Olivia Pope—I don't DO therapy-"

"Today you do and she's here, so sit down on that couch and shut up!" Abby didn't wait for Olivia to recover from her expression of astonishment. Instead she swung open the door, and smiled brightly.

"Dr. Ford, thank you for coming." Abby moved aside as the doctor came in. She was dressed casually in jeans, black flats, and a navy blazer over a white blouse. Abby thought she looked trendy, sweet enough, and a couple of years older than Olivia. Her dark brown hair fell in thick waves around her shoulders shaping her curvy frame. Her makeup was understated. She looked professional, but she also looked concerned. Most importantly to Abby, she didn't look intimidated by the infamous Olivia Pope.

"Of course, my assistant relayed the urgency of your call." She shook Abby's hand and then put her bag down by the door. Her arms fell at her sides and she looked directly at Olivia, who smoothed her hair down and played with her pajama sleeves. "Ms. Pope, I'm Brenda. May I call you Olivia?"

"Look, Dr. Ford, I don't really-"

"It's Brenda, please. We don't have to commit to anything, this is just a conversation. How about we start there, no promises?"

"I'm not leaving until you do it," Abby said to Olivia, while she dug around in her purse and handed Dr. Ford a piece of paper and a pen.

"What's this?" Brenda asked.

"A confidentiality agreement that is a lot more binding and threatening than your doctor patient confidentiality standards."

"Which are legally binding," Brenda interrupted, as she scanned the single page. She looked back and forth from Abby to Olivia, and then with a small smile, she signed on the dotted line.

Olivia let out a deep breath, and Abby nodded silently. "I'm going to go into the bedroom and check up on my emails. I'll check on you two in an hour," Abby said, as she tucked the document into her purse.

"Why don't we sit?"

"Look, Dr. Ford, I really appreciate you coming here like this, but my friend Abby was just a little overzealous in booking you. I don't need therapy, I have my wine. So why don't we chat about the weather or your favorite varietals from the last ten years for an hour to appease her, and then you can go; I'll pay you double your rate for your time."

"It's Brenda, and you will pay for the hour, which is expensive enough, I assure you, including the after-hours call. Your friend Abby has already taken care of the fee, so now I'm just here for you. I do know who you are, and I can understand why you would be resistant to talking to a stranger. But, we're both here now, and I've already signed my life away with that ironclad security agreement of yours, so why don't we just talk for this hour, and then if you don't want to, we never have to see each other again."

Olivia remained silent and looked skeptical, but she didn't get up and go for the wine like she wanted to. With an encouraging smile, Dr. Ford went on.

"Your friend Abby cares about you a great deal. Can you tell me why you think she called me here tonight? Well," Brenda looked at her watch, "actually the sun will be coming up any minute."

"I didn't sleep well, I've been having nightmares," Olivia said.

"About?"

"Someone I care about a great deal. I said something hurtful. I did something hurtful. I did a lot of hurtful things, actually. Anyway, it's not going to be so easy to repair the damage that's been done." Olivia sighed and moved from the edge of the couch to the chair, feeling defensive and vulnerable.

"You owe this person an apology?"

Olivia scoffed. "I owe this person…" her voice overcome with emotion, faltered. "Dr. Ford, this is too deep and too sordid a story for an hour long conversation."

"Well we've only got 45 minutes left anyway," Brenda chuckled. "What would make you feel better? What do you think would make your friend Abby feel better?"

"I think she'd like it if I behaved more normally and weren't a complete mess over the men in my life. I think she'd like it if I were happy. What would make me happy would cost the American People a great deal."

"That's pretty ominous. I don't think any single person is capable of costing the American People too much. I think what families care about are their jobs, their loved ones, security for their families. Would your happiness cost the American People those things?"

"No," Olivia said bluntly. "But it might deter resources and cause distraction and a whole lot of wasted time."

"My goodness," Brenda said, "Why don't we talk about something you mentioned a moment ago? You said you had 'men' plural in your life. Is that what some of this is about?"

Olivia smiled wryly. "I'm not this person. I'm not someone who is caught up in love triangles. I'm a monogamous person. I've loved more than one man, cared deeply for everyone I've ever slept with, despite what some might say or think, and I don't want to hurt any of them."

"But you are hurting them?" Brenda asked. "Or are they hurting you?"

"We're all hurting each other, it's a big mess, and if I told you the details I'd probably have to kill you, Dr. Ford."

"Olivia, you don't have to tell me all your secrets. And since we may not ever talk again, I'm going to get right to the point. As I said, I know who you are; I am an expensive and damn good psychiatrist working in the DC Metro Area. We've probably met some of the same people."

Olivia looked at her smirk and guessed that she meant they'd had some of the same clients.

"We do the same thing for people—we help them. I'm going to give you a piece of advice. Make a decision. Whatever it is you are NOT deciding on, just decide. Whatever it is, you can change your mind later."

Olivia sighed.

"What's that about?" Brenda asked.

"Abby said the same thing. Maybe she should become a therapist."

Brenda smiled. "Indecision is what is painful in our lives. Indecision is probably what is hurting all the men in your life, including your father."

Olivia's senses went on alert immediately and she stood defensively. "You know my father?"

"No," Brenda said earnestly. "But I know myself and I know women. Not many of us get into adulthood without one or two issues with daddy, especially when it comes to the matter of love and relationships. Is your father living?"

"If he's lucky," Olivia sighed, slumping back into the chair. "It's complicated," she added when she observed the doctor's confused expression. "My father is not the man I thought he was, to put it mildly, he has a great stake in my decisions, and he would like me to do what he wants instead of what I want." Olivia winced at the huge oversimplification of her relationship with her father.

"I have to ask you, Olivia, if you're thinking about hurting yourself."

Olivia closed her eyes and thought of Fitz. "No," she stated simply.

"Your friend Abby seemed concerned that you were preoccupied with things beyond your control. Are you thinking of hurting anyone else?"

"I've done enough, I've hurt enough people, and I don't know how to make that better."

"Decide," Brenda said succinctly. "Whatever you're on the fence about, even if it's the wrong decision, just make it."

"What if I choose wrong?"

"Are you choosing between two people?"

Olivia nodded wordlessly.

"Just for the sake of argument, choose the man you love, the man you were dreaming about, choose him in your mind right now. What does it feel like?"

Olivia closed her eyes and a smile crept onto her face. "It feels warm, and I have butterflies in my stomach. I'm excited. I want to do a cartwheel," she laughed, and then opened her eyes surprising herself and wiping away a hot tear. She recovered quickly, regaining the professionalism and distance that she wanted to maintain.

"And now, choose the other man, just in your mind, just for the moment. What does it feel like?"

"It feels…" Olivia searched for the words, "Incomplete. Unfinished, but settled, somehow."

Brenda looked at her for a few moments, before standing and moving to get her medical bag. "I'm going to write you a prescription for something that will help you sleep soundly. I think you may want to lay off the wine for a couple of nights, especially if you take this. I'm going to give you one dose for tonight, and the rest you can pick up at the pharmacy. Here's my card, I'm going to suggest another session, but I understand that you value your privacy. I can come here again, if you'd like."

Olivia took the card and the medicine bottle and clutched them in her hands.

"I'll think about it."

"That's a start." Brenda looked at her watch. "Our time's up, but I do hope you'll call me again, or talk to someone else." She stood and extended her hand to Olivia, who shook it.

"Thank you, Dr.—er, Brenda."

"You're welcome. You are the best person to decide your life, Olivia. Not your father and not either of these men, or any of your clients or your friends. If you want to get back to center, start with honoring your decisions. Do what makes you happy."

Olivia showed Brenda to the door and then shut it softly behind her. She leaned against it and let her eyes flutter closed. She went to the kitchen and started to pour a glass of wine, but the sun was starting to shine through her blinds and even she couldn't justify it at this hour. She tossed the mouthful of wine into the sink and rinsed out the glass, then filled it with water, not bothering to take a different glass from the cabinet. She knocked down the pills Dr. Ford had given her and then sighed.

Abby came from Olivia's bedroom cautiously. "Did I hear the door?" she asked.

"Dr. Ford just left," Olivia said.

"Look, Liv, I know I may have overstepped my bounds, but as your friend, I just had to-"

"It's all right, Abby. She gave me something to help me sleep, which I've already taken, so if you wouldn't mind-"

"Clear your schedule and get the hell out? Done and done."

Olivia smiled gratefully. "Don't stay away too long. We can have dinner tonight, maybe? You can bring me up to speed after you've spoken to Quinn, and I can review the file."

"What file?"

"The one you're going to put together on everything the United States government knows about Dr. Brenda Ford."

"You got it." Abby took Olivia's hand and squeezed it reassuringly before leaving.

Olivia turned off all the lights in her apartment and picked up her phone, looking one last time for any kind of reply from Fitz. Finding none, her heart sank a little further. She climbed into bed, already feeling the effects of the medicine, sank down into the covers, and went to sleep.

**Santa Barbara, California 2009**

"Fitz, oh god, you have to stop." Olivia's own voice sounded noncommittal to her ears. Fitz chuckled, not removing his lips from her neck. They were in the pool house surrounded by darkness, making out like teenagers on a cushioned chaise lounge near the edge of the water. The glow from the bulbs at the bottom of the pool was their only source of light.

They lay on their sides, pressed together, his knee between her legs. She pushed herself against him shamelessly, and Fitz, shirtless, was working to get her wet swimsuit past her shoulders. He'd succeeded on one side, and was trying for the other, when she pressed her hands against his chest. "Someone could catch us! Let's go back to my room, please, Fitz!"

"Olivia, we're 500 yards from the main house. Everyone has gone to bed, no one is going to hear you, and that's a very good thing," he added with a smirk. He captured her lips with his own then, silencing her protests. He worked his way down her neck and chest until he seized the nipple he'd freed moments ago. His fingertips were cold and as he sucked and flicked at it with his finger, Olivia felt chills go all over her body.

Suddenly she was helping him out of his trunks, and pushing him into the lounge, so she could straddle him and pull her suit down on the other side. She didn't want to get off of him long enough to step out of the suit which was still otherwise clinging to her body, so she pulled the crotch to the side, and sank down on him, both of them groaning at the feeling of being united. Olivia didn't move for a moment, but then her hips began a gentle swirl as she clasped her hands in his.

"You feel, ah-" Olivia closed her eyes and threw her head back when Fitz sat up and closed his lips around the newly freed bud, "So good, baby."

"I missed you," he said. "Don't stay gone so long, okay?"

"Mmm," she groaned out the promise as she pushed him back down and chased his lips for a kiss. "I thought about you every second," she said as he held on to her hips and increased his pace, "Every second."

"Just a second."

"Excuse me, what?" Fitz was jarred back to the present by the sound of the young woman's voice.

"Oh, sir," she said correcting herself. "I'm sorry. The doctor—I mean Max-will just be another minute, SIR."

Fitz cleared his head of thoughts of Olivia and then apologized. "That's all right, you don't need to call me 'Sir,' I just didn't hear you. I'm not in a rush it's just a lunch date."

The receptionist looked incredulous at the conversation she was having with the President of the United States. "Yes sir."

Fitz walked around the room casually, his hands in his pockets, his suit jacket slung over a nearby chair, one agent waiting outside, for his friend and secret therapist, Dr. Max Nathanson, to "have lunch."

He was relieved when the doors opened and Max greeted him with a bright smile and open arms. A much warmer welcome than he would give his typical patients. After all, he and Max had been in the Navy together, too.

Fitz reciprocated the courteous gesture, and the two men headed back into Max's office. "Those sandwiches you love have already arrived, Mr. President, let's eat!" Max shut the door and laughed heartily, his hands rubbing his thick black and gray beard. "Think she bought it?" he said with a whisper as they moved to the other side of the room.

"I do," Fitz replied. "But would it matter if she didn't? Can't two old friends have lunch?"

"Yes. We can," Max said as he handed Fitz one of the Styrofoam platters which held a cheesesteak—his held pastrami. "But, I might add, there's nothing wrong with the President seeing a therapist. In fact, it should be required."

Fitz nodded his appreciation, and the two of them began to eat. They laughed as they ate with gusto, sharing stories and updating each other on the lives of their children. When they finished the conversation lulled into an easy silence. Max watched thoughtfully as Fitz played with a paperweight on the desk.

"Hour's almost up, buddy," Max said. "We gonna talk about it, or what?"

"When I see her, it makes me want to lose my mind," Fitz said plainly, "In every way. She makes my blood boil, she makes my heart race, and I cannot see or hear anyone or anything else when I am with her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her but I cannot have her and that is why I'm sitting here and that is why I'm talking to you."

"Why can't you have her?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well you've been reelected. You are divorced, so why can't you have Olivia Pope? Sure you would have to contend with commenters about the origins of your relationship, her race, your age difference, but you have dealt with rumors and innuendos and a displeased party before. So, why can't you have her?"

Fitz sighed, "Because she's in love with somebody else. Now what the hell am I supposed to do about that?"

"How's Maddie?" Max asked changing gears unexpectedly; Fitz looked up at him questioning.

"Mad's great, she's perfect. She says the right things, it's beautiful, and it's easy with her. She doesn't push. She makes me laugh. She's a great dancer, Maddie. She loves to dance. Do you know she curses like a sailor? God, she's worse than Mellie, but the jokes—oh my god." Fitz leaned back and closed his eyes. "It should be enough."

"But it's not?" Max asked.

Fitz shook his head.

Max chose his next words carefully. "I don't know Ms. Pope, but I do know you. And if you feel this passionately about her, would it be safe to say that at least once upon a time, she felt the same about you?"

"Yes," Fitz said without hesitation. "Whatever else happened, we loved each other very much."

"That doesn't sound like the kind of love that just fades away. So, even if she is in love with someone else right now, who's to say that relationship will last? Do you know the person she's in love with?"

"Yes. Very well." Fitz hadn't shared this with Max before, but he took a chance. "It's Jake."

Max paused a second. "Ballard?!"

"Yep." Fitz sat back and stretched his arms, groaning. "They're dating—or whatever—and standing in the sun and developing catchphrases."

"Jake Ballard, that asshole from Annapolis?"

Fitz snickered. "That's the one."

Max looked at Fitz seriously, and then smiled. "Well, fuck him!"

Fitz's eyebrows rose with incredulity before both men broke out into loud hearty laughter.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Gentle readers! I'm so sorry for disappearing on you. I never intended to go so long without an update. Enjoy, and I promise not to stay away so long next time.

Chapter 9

"Forgive the wording of this question, but I mean this sincerely, and quite literally. What were you thinking when you became involved with Fitz? Have you been involved with married men before?"

Olivia balked at the boldness of the question but they were moving quickly past pretenses. It was her third session with Dr. Ford and Olivia had surprised them both when she told her the truth of her relationship with Fitz. After their first session, Olivia had gone to bed and slept for six hours. When she woke up, she'd never felt more rested in her life. Nothing had really changed, her heart still ached for Fitz, but she knew that she had someone to tell her truth to and she wanted more than anything to trust that relationship. Dr. Ford hadn't balked at her threats, hadn't promised to go to the press on her own like so many people would have. She'd seen through Olivia's strategies and defensiveness, and been willing to work with her anyway. Now that Brenda knew about the affair, Olivia had a neutral party to talk to and she found herself anxious for the sessions to begin, anxious to feel better.

Olivia thought about the question for a moment and smiled. She had never told a soul about her feelings for Fitz, her motivations for choosing him—she didn't even really know if she'd ever thought it through for herself; but the answer was easy.

"I wanted him—badly," she said. Olivia sat at the corner of her sofa, her legs tucked underneath her, fingertips playing at her lips in a secret smile as she remembered the time. "He was handsome and magnetic, passionate and powerful, and he listened to me. He looked at me all the time—not staring, not lecherous—he looked TO me, he deferred to me, he believed in me and my ideas. He trusted my word." Her own voice struck a chord with Olivia. She didn't think Fitz trusted her word any longer.

"Had you been with married men before?" Dr. Ford asked again.

Olivia looked to her, snapped out of her revelry, and put her hands in her lap. "Yes, but not like that. I never cared for them, they never cared for me. I was young, stupid, and not in love. They wanted something from me, obviously, and in some of them I saw what having their allegiance could do. Others, I just wanted to have fun-I didn't always know they were married, I didn't always ask." She let out a deep breath at revealing that about herself and her past choices. "Those relationships were fun but they were not substantive."

"And Fitz was different?"

Olivia let out a rush of breath and a huge smile. "Fitzgerald Grant is unlike any man I've ever met. It was like my own existence was enough for him, you know? He wanted me no matter what-how I looked, what I did, I was just his and he was mine. I know that more than I know any other fact. He loves me." Olivia said the words partly to convince herself. She hoped he still did.

Brenda looked at Olivia with sympathy. "Did it start out like the others?" she asked.

"No-I think we both knew instantly that there was an attraction, but just as instantly we agreed not to do anything about it. And we didn't for some months, but..."

"But?"

"He is the love of my life," Olivia whispered, "And I couldn't have ignored him if I tried. In Fitz I found real partnership and friendship and really…" Olivia appeared wistful, "incredible sex."

"Why would you ignore him?"

"Because he was married for the majority of our relationship, because he's fourteen years older than me, not that I really care about that, but he's the President and the public will care. It's cost him everything-his wife, his son, his father, his self-worth, everything, for the Office of the Presidency, and I can't be the reason-I won't be the reason-that he loses his legacy, too."

"What have you done in the name of protecting that legacy, to keep Fitz away from you?"

"Mainly, his best friend Jake."

Brenda looked up in surprise, her eyebrows raised, and Olivia let out a burst of hollow laughter.

"I'm sorry-that was a really bad joke. I shouldn't have said that. Oh my god," Olivia said, burying her face in her hands for a moment and then leaning back in her seat, "Oh, Jake."

"He's the other man you're involved with?"

Olivia nodded. "I don't know what we really are to each other besides a colossal distraction."

"Ah." Dr. Ford nodded in understanding.

"Fitz and I haven't been able to ever really be together, something was always in the way, and it was usually on his side of things. But none of those reasons are there anymore. I should get on with my life, we all should, but I just plain don't want to. I wasn't able to disconnect from Fitz since that very first moment and I don't think I ever will be. I wonder if …"

"What?"

"It's stupid. It's psychobabble." Olivia focused on her newly manicured nails instead of talking.

"Well, try me. Psychobabble is my middle name."

Olivia chuckled. "I think I'm angry with him."

"For what?"

"For making me love him when I couldn't have him."

"You mean he pursued you?"

"He would have let me go, he let the decision come from me, but the way he touched me, the way he looked at me, the way he spoke to me," Olivia's voice trailed off. "How was I supposed to forget something like that? How was anything else supposed to do after that?"

"You know, your anger is normal and totally justifiable," Dr. Ford began gently. "Many women who are on the outside of a marriage feel both love and anger for their married partners. They engage you, they love you, and yet they are not available to you. Add to that the fact that the man you love is a very public figure. He's a man that belongs to the whole world. You knew that going in, so would it be fair to say that you're also a little angry with yourself?"

"More than fair," Olivia acquiesced. "Fitz and I did not care who we hurt. We wanted each other and we lied to ourselves and each other from the first day. We promised it was just sex. Then it became just really great sex and a fantastic friendship. Then it became this dependence upon each other that neither one of us wanted to relinquish. He wanted me to wait for him and I told him that I would."

"And then?"

Olivia trusted Dr. Ford with the knowledge of her affair with Fitz, but she wouldn't endanger her life by sharing the truth about Defiance.

"And then I didn't wait," Olivia said with a deep breath. "I began a relationship with the man who used to be a very good friend of his—one of his last friends before his Presidency—and I left him to be with that man during the most difficult time of his life."

"Not that I need the details, but I can tell you just gave me a much edited version of events, and that's okay," Dr. Ford said putting a hand up when Olivia looked distressed. "I just want you to sit with the notion that this is an incredibly difficult and complicated situation. You've made some mistakes, so has Fitz—the President. Cut to the present. What do you want for your life?"

"Fitz," Olivia said resolutely. "I want him to forgive me, and I want him in my life."

"As what?"

"Everything."

"Be specific. You want to date the President? You want to marry him? You want a public life with him? Or you want him to forgive you, and you want things to be easy between you, but you want to keep your life with Jake?"

Olivia thought of Jake and sighed.

"I don't have many regrets in my life, but Jake is the one thing I would undo if I could."

"From what you've told me, he was supportive of you and you relied on his friendship during difficult times."

"I did and I still do, but he and Fitz hate each other. Jake is difficult, and Fitz can't get past the fact that I left with him. I don't know what to do about Jake because it wouldn't be my choice to remove him from my life altogether but I don't see that there's any other choice."

"The choice is yours, Olivia. If you want to be with Jake, just remain with him."

"You make it sound so simple," Olivia breathed out and walked through her sunlit apartment. She stood in the rays as they beamed through her living room window and rubbed her arms up and down vigorously trying to get warm.

"What are you afraid of?" Dr. Ford asked.

"That I'll be left alone," Olivia whispered too quietly for Brenda to hear her.

"What did you say?"

"I'll be alone," Olivia said more loudly as she turned around. Saying the words out loud gave her a newfound strength. "I'm afraid that I've lost Fitz. I've pushed him too far, and now he is with someone else and I-" Olivia paused, feeling an urgent need to stop the rush of emotions she felt.

"Have you noticed that you get close to an emotion and you shut it down quickly? Forget about the men in your love life. Tell me about the original man—your father."

Olivia scoffed and waved a hand. "Whatever I could tell you would be earning you a death sentence," she said. "Suffice it to say he and my mother had a relationship that is the very height of dysfunction. They both abandoned me in different ways, and my father would do just about anything to see me away from Fitz."

"And does he support your relationship with Jake?"

"Yes," Olivia said succinctly and folding her arms, "but for his own reasons."

"Our time is up," Dr. Ford said. "I want to encourage you to do some continued writing and thinking about what you've shared today. Is it really fair to try to have both of these men in your life? Should you be in a relationship at all right now?"

Olivia opened her mouth to respond, but Brenda stood up and smiled warmly at her. "For our next session, Olivia—do some thinking about what you really want. I'll see you next week?"

"If you have some time in the next day or so I'd really like to continue," Olivia said.

"All right, I'll have my office set up a time in the next couple of days."

"As soon as possible, please."

"You've got it. Take care, Olivia."

When Dr. Ford left Olivia was feeling stronger and more grounded than she had in several days. She had a moment of clarity that she hadn't before. She needed to talk to her father, so she picked up the phone and dialed the number.

She knew he would be absolutely shocked to hear from her.

"Olivia?"

"Daddy," she began. "I need to see you."

A/N: OK I know this chapter was short, but it needed to be, in order to bridge a gap to the next section of the story, where things move a lot more quickly and bring Fitz and Olivia back into one another's worlds. Thanks for sticking around and continuing to read. Lots of things will be changing for our couple in the next chapter, which I promise won't be very far away.


End file.
